Ten Thousand at Flight

Married

2012-02-06T19:32:00.000-08:00

Here we are! The newlyweds! It's been almost two months that we've been married and I can't wait for our one year anniversary :). How's married life? Great! Couldn't have chosen anyone better, more handsome, or smarter. It still feels funny sometimes to say "my husband" because it feels like we've been married for years, but it hasn't even been two months. So what's the update for the Castro's? Right now we are preparing the way for the Lord because in June of this year we head out to IRELAND! As we pray, and seek, and meet with our team, we are excited to see what the Lord has in store for us.

This past week we talked about motive. Why we go, and why we even bother? We came to the conclusion that missions is not for the sake of my fellow man (so that he may better himself), but for His sake!! Doesn't he deserve the reward of His suffering? It is for His sake that we are going, and only for His. Our prayer is that God prepares our heart because even though Ireland is not like Africa, we are still dealing with unbelief, many cold hearts, and the worst of all....religious hearts. We hope to sow seeds (because we know we can't do it all) of hunger to know more of God. Please pray for us as we approach this moment.

On another note, we are trying to raise money for Ireland through photography!! Please check out my other blog : www.michyphotography.blogspot.com . There are some examples of my work there but the best is yet to come. Keep on checking it every once in a while and you'll be finding new stuff soon! This weekend I'll be shooting a couple who wanted to take pictures for their first year anniversary :) so sweet! If you want more information about the photo sessions just e-mail me at clarita.mayorga@gmail.com and I will send you all the info you need! Thank you guys for reading, and I will surely be updating my blog :)

Putting Ten Thousand to Flight

2011-12-06T14:10:00.001-08:00

Soon I will be getting married. Isn't that crazy? I know I have not updated much and never written about my boyfriend, who then turned into my fiance, who will now become my husband. Which I know that as a writer, that is almost impossible to believe. A writer does not write about their love? Impossible! Though I gladly would, instead I will take my time to write about what marriage means to me. Well, to us.

As a christian I have learned that my relationship with God almighty cannot depend on feelings. For if my relationship with the greatest Being cannot depend on feelings then what am I to believe about my husband? When I say my relationship with God does not depend on feelings I do not mean a passionless relationship. On the contrary,when one does not depend on feelings one can truly understand how to love at all times. This I had in mind before I met Brian, my fiance. I knew that I could not depend on what I think my life should be like, and to whom I believed I would fall in love with. When I decide to depend on feelings, I only choose to love in the best of times. But when I love at all times, then it does not matter what I feel, for I will always have to choose Love. That is, I will always choose for his highest good.

That being said, I will be getting married with Brian soon. A wonderful man I met during college at Sam Houston State. Brian is a special man because he also believes in what I just told you. I hear many people say "It's good to marry someone who believes the same way that you do. It is less problematic". Though it's true, that is simply society trying to get along with one another. Brian and I are not trying to comfort society; we are hunting society down with the Love of God.

The verse that I have prayed over my future husband over the years has been this:

"One man of you shall chase a thousand....and two put ten thousand to flight."
- Josh.23:10; Deut. 32:30. "30

When I met Brian I knew that if we were to be together, my life would not be purposeless. And I feel that sometimes that is what some girls fear: a man who will actually challenge you to live a life for another, and not for yourself. His check, my check should not exist in marriage. For marriage is powerful when both are working as one. If you are married and are trying to live life for yourself then no wonder you are tired....for one man can "only chase a thousand". BUT TWO,"shall put then thousand to flight". And that is my prayer for Brian and I.

Love, that our love for one another grow stronger each and everyday. And love, that we may not foolishly try to chase a thousand each, but that together we may be one in Christ, and put ten thousand to flight.

-Michy

2011-07-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

I was expecting to come back from Africa deeply burdened by the great need that I would see but this was not so. In fact, I am overjoyed in knowing that God's work is being done through Pastor Gilbert and his family (the missionaries and our hosts) in Senegal, Africa. Pastor Gilbert Rowe and his family are originally from Costa Rica but felt the call of God in their lives to work among the Senegalese. This has been their true passion for eight years now and they will continue to serve till God directs them elsewhere. During our two weeks in Senegal our team of ten worked with Pastor Gilbert and the church. The church does not really have a name since Pastor Gilbert says he does not want people to be distracted by a name, but that all glory should be directed to God, who deserves all glory. I found this to be evident in every area of Pastor Gilbert’s life; he is a man who does not care to be glorified but puts all his care to glorify the One who gave him such a task in the first place.

Pastor Gilbert and his family have adopted 25 children who currently reside in the house in which we stayed. The children are provided with an education, food, clothing and most importantly a loving home. Each child has a different story and comes from a different family. Some have parents in nearby villages who could not afford to take care of them so they allowed adoption. Others have come from the same background but through a different channel. This "channel" is a youth program (only boys) approved by the Senegal government in which a Marabu ( an Islamic teacher) is allowed to adopt children from parents who cannot afford to raise them. These children are referred to as the 'Talibi'. The Marabu is in charge of teaching the Qur’an and providing a "home away from home". However, the Marabus cannot afford living expenses for the child so the child works all day selling rice and/or sugar from dawn to evening. Many Marabu's are corrupt and do not really care to teach, which leads them to be interested in the quota the Talibi children must raise each day. If these quota isn't met the Talibi are vulnerable to beatings and maltreatment. They sleep on floors, beg all day, and fungus grows on their scalps due to poor hygiene. Many of these Talibi run away from their Marabu only to be taken back or remain homeless. Last year three Talibi children arrived at the Rowe’s home. The three told the family that if they did not adopt them they would rather kill themselves. Pastor Gilbert and his family had no other choice but to take them in. This was a year ago and the children remain unclaimed by their parents and their Marabu.

I got to see many Talibi children because Pastor Gilbert has a breakfast program addressed specifically towards the Talibi. He provides breakfast for the Talibi before they go to work. I saw a boy as young as 5 years old coming to get his breakfast before going out to beg. Pastor's Gilberts interest is not just need based but he and his helpers also share the good news of the Kingdom of God to them each morning. Despite their lack of provision the Talibi are normal children .They wrestle, they play, and they laugh. Part of Pastor Gilbert's vision is that this innocence is not taken away from them.

Out of the two weeks we were in Senegal we got to go to one village for two full days. We did not spend the night there but we were there from 9am to 12am. As a team we provided medical care for those who were sick and at night time we presented the Jesus film in their native tongue. We had three stations:1) taking their blood pressure, 2) diagnosis with Nanni (the nurse), and 3) prayer. Each patient had to have a number in order to be seen. Their waiting room was the dusty ground beneath one of the trees that provided the most shade. I was part of the prayer team. We had an interpreter at all times in order to ask what we could pray for and to have an actual conversation. At one point I asked a woman who seemed to be pregnant, "How is everything going with your pregnancy?" She lowered her head and proceeded to tell me that she wasn't pregnant and that her baby was at home. I learned that when she had the baby she had not been cleaned right and her enlarged stomach was a result of a deeper infection. We heard cases like this all day but praying for them was not as much fun as preaching the love of Jesus. It was more enthralling to know that this village had never heard the name of Jesus. Many listened, watched the film, and even decided to follow Jesus after those two days we spent with them. Admi, one of the little girls from the village followed me around all the time while we were there. At the end I asked her why she was following and keeping after me; she responded, "because you are my friend”. Senegalese people are so friendly and loving that I even questioned my own motives of being with them. Do I love these people as much as they are willing to love me? We did not know them, yet they were willing to give everything as an act of service. It made me think of my responsibility as a carrier of the gospel. The good news is that Jesus came to die for our sins and that we do not have to be controlled by them but be free in knowing that we are alive In Christ, and that our old self has died. If I am alive to Jesus and dead to the world, then how am I showing this to my fellow man? Whether I am, or I am not, there needs to be a continuous love flowing out of me wherever I am because God is love. A mission trip does not start and end in Africa; on the contrary, it is a condition of the heart.

I became more aware of this on our last night in Senegal. We had just given away shoes to all 25 of Pastor Gilbert's children when Pastor Gilbert told his children, "We have just been blessed, now let's give them what we have as an offering of gratitude". Pastor Gilbert and his family told us (our team of 10) to kneel down, and when we did the children came to surround us laying their hands on our heads. As Pastor Gilbert started praying so did the children. They were praying in French but we heard the language of eternity: God's Love. There was not a single person whose eyes were dry by the time we were standing again. We had just experienced what Jesus told his disciples "Go and make disciples of all nations..." (Matt 28:16-20) These 25 kids had been discipled, taught, and led to live a life for God. I finish with the quote I put in my first letter:

"When God changes the heart and the spirit, the physical changes also. If you want to meet the needs of the poor in this world, there is no better place to start than by preaching the gospel".
-K.P Yohannan

My time in Africa was not to patch up a hole with an economical need, but to know Jesus and to make him Known.

The village

2011-06-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

For the last two days we have been providing medical care to one of the villages nearby. It is very tiring since we are there all day with heat, sweat, and swollen feet :). I have many stories to tell about these two days but I prefer to type it up when I go back to the states. For now all I want to say is this people are so loving and so happy with so little. Trips like this gets you to think about your own lifetsyle and what you are doing and for what you are working for. I will try to write later. God bless you all.

Jour trois

2011-06-13T05:49:00.000-07:00

Let me just say that I am in LOVE with these people. I can't wait to go back and tell each and everyone of you stories about the people who have made an impact on us and also to whom we have made an impact to. Yesterday I got to meet Mamadu Fay. He was a deputant for the senegal government but currently lives in his native village. He gaves us tea!! which he was also drinking from...I was joking with our fellow missionaries that we can now call ourselves real missionaries since we have tasted something that other people would think we are crazy for trying!!! In all honesty it excites me and I think the Lord is just confirming what is already in our hearts. After we left the village I wanted to continue talking to mamadu Fay but alas we had to leave. I got to share Christ with him; he is a muslim. He listened and nodded his head. "ahh jesu, oui" He nodded with understanding because he has already heart it before, many times, from the missionary whom we are staying with.

On other note, the team is doing great. We're getting to know each other more and i'm falling more in love with my fiance as we serve Christ together. I thank God that he has allowed me to step into countries that I had never dreamt of. My fear of planes used to tell me that I will never reach the other side of the world, and now I have gone twice with this trip!!!! Isn't the Lord amazing??? God is good all the time!!

That is all for now....I will continue to update as more things happen here in thiese, Senegal. Love you all.

Landed

2011-06-10T14:44:00.000-07:00

To all who are reading this blog while my stay in Africa, the arrival was a success. We are currently recovering from jet lagg and will not start doing any greater activities till tomorrow afternoon. The people are awesome!!!! I am in love with the missionarie's adopted children. I will write if i have more time later on. For now I am really tired and im about to head to bed :). Thank you for reading.

A week and a half

2011-05-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

Next Thursday we leave for Africa. Man...this is crazy. Not this Thursday, but the next. Within this time of preparation I have been attacked emotionally, like I always do before a trip. Why this happens? Not sure. Maybe the enemy knows how to really put me down but despite this testing I have been rejoicing in the fact that I will be doing what is my hearts true desire. To go into the world and preach the gospel. I know I will be challenged since I will def. be out of my comfort zone. I've never been in a place where the people do not know my language, and especially being in need of an interpreter when I do that for a living! Wow God is awesome. I am excited, and truly grateful for what the Lord will do in us and through us. I know this will be an awakening in every sense of the christian walk. My main desire is to never be the same again. And I do not mean to be excited for a couple of weeks when I come back from the trip and then go back to living the same. I pray that this may be a radical change. Lord knows I need that.

Africa

2011-05-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow bloggers. I have not written in a long time but I want to get back on track. I just wanted to update you all and tell everyone that I'm going to AFRICA in a couple of weeks!! There is so much that needs to be done and in so little time. And on top of that...we need to spiritually prepare. I feel I haven't prepared much. With a 40 hour job and being in charge of a new ministry at church I have not had the time to prepare as i normally would have by this time. Nonetheless I am determined to prepare myself in the next three weeks like never before. Please, if you are reading this, I ask that you join me in prayers as we would need all the protection in the world. Spiritually, physically, and mentally. We want to be prepared to impart!! Thank you for reading.

-Clarita

I Forget

2011-01-26T19:06:00.000-08:00

This is indeed my first blog after graduation. Is that a long time or what? I officially apologize to my fellow bloggers and subscribers (if I have any). It has been quite a hectic few months and I was not in the mood to write. Either that, or I was simply busy.

I have found a life after graduation and unfortunately it was the life that I most feared. One with trouble, toil, but overall mostly confusing. People tell me it's my age. I am young they say, with many options in front of me, and that of course I'm confused. But I wish there was a better explanation for this and as I sought Truth I found that "better explanation". Of course It's not one that you like, because it involves a cross. Ah yes the cross you say How can I forget? You're a christian. Yes I am and that is all I have ever known and will ever know. Christianity is what my whole life revolves around of, and if I am having trouble concentrating don't I need to seek from the source in which I believe all Truth comes from?

I forget to go back to the cross. Sometimes I even forget that I had an experience at the cross. For those who don't know, I am talking about salvation. (john 3:16). When I start forgetting I often tend to hold on to good works, or depend solely on myself. Making myself a god. I forget what He did on that cross which allows the enemy to come in and destroy all peace of mind I thought I had obtained. This attack can become so intense that I cannot help but think that where I had been poor in spirit, I became all knowing according to my own wisdom. Where I had mourned for God I became conformed. Where I was meek I became prideful. Where I was hungry and thirsty for more of Him, I became a drought; a dying spirit. Where I had been merciful, I became judgmental and critical; the very center of a religious spirit. Where I was pure In heart, my heart began to lust after money, after recognition, after sex. Where I had been peaceful, I became confused.

One look away from the cross and all the things mentioned above start creeping in. I forget to look and remain looking. I forget to linger. What usually happens is that I start forming my own thinking, I say forming because the ability to think comes from God. Then after forming I tend to believe that my way of thinking is "the right one". But I am lost. Deeply lost.

You have forgotten, says God.
You have allowed your love to be corrupted, You have forgotten your first Love again

After these words I have to look back at that rugged old cross again. It is then that I know that it was I who left first. I have killed Him once again. I have been unfaithful once again. And then the moment of truth comes quickly, which faces me with two decisions: to accept forgiveness or to hang on to a pride that prevents me from admitting that I am wrong. In reality I can't stand facing the fact that I have hurt the perfect lamb.

I never told Him to die for my sins, I say to myself.
And almost like a slap to the face He responds,

Did I not say NOT to eat from the three of knowledge of Good and Evil? It was never intended for you to carry such a weight. It was always meant for me. This is why you must give me your burden and exchange it for my yoke. My gentle yoke. It is called redemption.

But what If I can't get back up? I have fallen at least seven times!

Then you will get back on the eight, on the ninth, and on the tenth, till you die. Remain in Me, abide in Me and you WILL have Life.

I must tell you that it is not easy to accept such a Truth. There are times when I do not want to believe that the only thing I have to do is get right back up and believe, have Faith, and let Him be the center of my life once again. It feels like I have to do something, to earn my right for such a forgiveness. It doesn't feel right to accept such a good gift. But then that is when I remember the cross. Though I was yet a sinner He died for me. I was still a sinner when He first loved me. I must face the fact that at the cross He beckons me to remember, to keep on remembering, and to never forget.

Life

2010-05-08T00:17:00.000-07:00

What is life? It is meaningless withouth God. Meaningless.....

Adopted

2010-04-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

Meeting the parents of your roommate isn't exactly what you do on Easter weekend, but despite the timing, the Harbaughs welcomed me into their home. Jana and I have been roommates for about eight months, and in that time frame I have developed a special friendship with her that could accurately be described as God ordained. In the same way, I believe this Easter weekend was a gift that God bestowed upon me.

We arrived in Wharton county around 11 pm on Friday night; Jana and I were both ready for bed, but I was really excited to be in the country and at home with her sweet parents. When I say sweet, it is not an exaggaration at all! I had already met Jana's parents and knew the effect they had on me, that is, the warmth I feel when they're around. Because you see....They really show the Love of Christ.

That special warmth was prevalent that friday night because when Jana's mother and father hugged me goodnight I felt as if they had adopted me as one of their own. Obviously, that is not a fact, but showers of grace filled those good night hugs, and afterwards when I was brushing my teeth, I couldn't help but weep. I do not intend to throw a pity party when I say this but one of the main reasons I was crying was because I said to myself, "this is what my family should have been like. This is what a father should have looked like, should have treated me like..." And that night the love of the Father revealed itself to me. It was something that I thought I had already experienced but I felt God say, "This is why people don't know me as a father. It was never my plan Michel, for you to be fatherless. So, when one of my servants hugs you, you feel strange. That strangeness that you don't know what to do with, is called grace." I thought about all the children who live in a broken home and how they will grow up to be fatherless, motherless, sister-less, brother-less...causing them to be estranged from knowing how a healthy family should function.

The cross was revealed to me once again.

He died. He gave me grace, something that had always been his will, yet because of sin, it had been blocked.

That night, I researched adoption and found this verse:

I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. 3For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race, 4the people of Israel. Theirs is the adoption as sons; theirs the divine glory, the covenants, the receiving of the law, the temple worship and the promises. 5Theirs are the patriarchs, and from them is traced the human ancestry of Christ, who is God over all, forever praised![a] Amen.

This was Paul expressing his love for his fellow Jews... imagine how much more the Love of God for anyone who accepts his death and his resurrection? We are his adopted children through Jesus Christ. I no longer need to be estranged from Love, and I know what Love is because He first loved me. He is my father, my mother, my sister,and my brother.

My message is mostly to those who have father wounds and those who have accepted the issue of broken families as a normal happening, but I tell you...
It should be strange to us.

When I left Jana's home I gained a true understanding of what family is, and I realized how different it was from my own, but oh how it captivated me! It was never God's plan for me to be fatherless and to cry at such a simple hug that should have been normal to me. It was never God's plan for us to live in Sin, and to be alienated from Love. Yet, there was grace through his redeeming blood, and through the spirit of adoption. I believe the opposite of the spirit of adoption is the spirit of fear, which i believe, is instilled by satan who does not want us to accept such love. I thank God for the spirit of Adoption, because without it, I think I would have gone mad.

And this is why the Harbaugh family impacted me so much, because they casted all fear in me through their loving weekend. And I hope that you can see how this relates to our world. That through our Love for one another we may cast out the fear many have towards an "estranged" Father.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love"

P.S There is so much more of this spirit of adoption, but I hope you get the picture....Love you all.

Firstborn

2010-03-01T08:10:00.001-08:00

I had a dream last night...

I Really don't remember much, but the dream itself held a godly fear. First I was driving and it was raining and I could barely see. Then I was in some sort of building where my other friends where staying at, but the Spirit was there...and all I could sense was fear. It was not a terrorizing fear, but He definitely made sure His presence was known to me. I wish I could remember more...I should have written it down.

The day before yesterday I was reading about the Levites replacing the children of Israel as first-Born's of God. Hopefully, I can write about it later on but it was interesting to find out many things about the firstborn and how that "ancient" tradition is still alive today. God loved Israel because she was his firstborn...He gave her rights over their siblings...Ultimately, the Lord died for all, but in the process His first-born was always His favored one. Why? That is what I'm asking, and all I can assume is that I won't understand till I have my own children. However, as a firstborn, there is something greater that distinguishes me apart from my siblings. this took me a while to understand. It is not that my mother loves me more than my two sisters, but I am the one who will eventually lead the other two. We have special rights, privileges, and responsibilities. Oh Firstborns...will we rise up and lead? OR will we be like first born Israel, who was suppose to be the ultimate example to the nations, but failed many times to do so??

These have been my thoughts....

3 Months Prior

2010-02-20T15:08:00.000-08:00

I know...I have not written in a long time. I have about three months left till graduation....Things are getting a little busy and that is why I have not had the opportunity to even write. Although I should be writing now more than ever (because of this creative writing class that i'm in) but it's not so. Lately, I have been really tired, with no motivation to do anything whatsoever. It's a hard place to be...knowing that in just a few more months a new life awaits me. I have reached my decision but will not be posting that till a few weeks before graduation. I will explain more in detail and you can count on it being a loooong post. I have refelected over these past few days and asked myself a question, "Did i get it right?" And all I can say is that I do not regret my four years at Sam. Not at all.

Now, off to do some more homwork. I really want to write and wish I had the time, but for right now this will do. I will update later....

DETOX

2010-01-17T04:13:00.000-08:00

It's 6 in the morning but I have not been able to sleep much. The reason? No worries, no insomnia, just a splitting headache. It might actually be a migraine, but I have never had one so i cannot tell the difference. Tossing and turning in my bed i lay worried thinking, should i quit my fasting? This is the third day of a three day fast i am currently going through. I get up every few hours because since last night around 11 pm my head starting taking its toll and the pain that crushes my brain has not stopped. In all honesty i thought it was a sign that my body was telling me to quit. There is no dizziness, no weakness, just a massive headache.

When I first wake up after a weak attempt to sleep I ask Sonia to pray for me. She prays; she goes back to sleep. I try...but i can't I wake up and think ' maybe i should pray and read the word'. I read acts up till chapter 9 and cannot continue because the sharp pain stops me. I have prayed and the hurting is still there. I go back to sleep and actually succeed but only for a few hours. I wake up again at 5:30ish. This time i turn on my computer on and google "headaches and fasting". It turns out that headaches are just a symptom of detoxification; your body is getting clean and sometimes during the first or second days of a fast you can experience headaches. Some of your major organs, especially the liver, have time to rest and have more time to concentrate on getting the 'bad' stuff out your system. Many people fast for health reasons...that was a bit of a surprise for me. Not for religion, but for health. As I am writing this right now I am thinking about the 'detoxification' that apparently is taking place in my body. I cannot help but correlate it to our very own lives. There is a need to detoxify our lives, but how many times do we halt to rest and stop what we're doing to let our spiritual organs rest? But watch out...if you decide to all of a sudden rest you will be tempted to quit because you start worrying. You start thinking about life. You cannot rest because you are used to having something to do every day, whether it be studying or working. It's so tempting to DO something instead of nothing! And that is exactly what detoxification does...it lets you do nothing for the sake of your sanity.

Brokenness cannot come without hardship. During the first two days of the fast i was fine. I would certainly get hungry and sometimes dizzy but never did I have a lingering headache until today. When you start resting from the World for the first few moments you will find it satisfying, even worthwhile. But there will come a time when Jesus begins to draw you near Him, and what can I say? You either let him deal with the ugly...or you quit. Oh that we may all recognize when the Lord is detoxifying our very own lives. Detox only comes through willingness.

"The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"

All I can see are Mountaintops

2010-01-05T20:03:00.000-08:00

Been reading the story of Noah lately and one thing stood out to me the most: Noah's patience. I started imagining how Noah must have felt...I know this is not much but I wrote down a few paragraphs of what Noah could have been writing if he had a journal.

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"For forty days and forty nights all I have seen is indescribable. Sometimes I do not understand the Lord but I trust that He knows what is best. Right now the rain has stopped and we are waiting to hear from I AM but there is nothing. He only gave me instructions to build this ark but he did not tell me how long I will have to wait to even hear His voice. The memories keep haunting me as I recall the screams and cries of people who eventually drowned. Everything is dead. The breath of life only resides with me and my loved ones. We are still floating waiting to see land but there is nothing. Meanwhile the animals are getting restless; they had no idea they were going to go through all of this. My sons keep taking care of them as I spend some time alone crying out to I Am, waiting for a response. I must admit, seeing death face to face has been terrifying. All I feel is water...when Will we feel land?"

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"The winds have stopped and we can see the sky. It is so beautiful; I never realized that sky can look so blue. I continue praying to the Lord but he is silent. All I have to give as an offering is my patience. My sons keep asking me if I have heard from Him but my silence at such questions says it all. My wife looks at me worried, wondering how many days we can survive with the food we have. I tell her, "Woman, the Lord knows our need. He will provide". It somehow comforts her but she walks away from me without saying a word. I know she is also praying."

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"Today the Lord answered my prayers! I can see land! They are just the top of mountains I am sure but we are at least resting because the ark has stopped. We are resting on a mountain and little by little more keep showing up...the waters are finally receding. How long will we be here? I am not sure but I know that the Lord makes all things new...and wickedness that once ruled this earth is no more. Will we be able to change the outcome of earth? I certainly hope so. Lord, I and my household will serve you. I am willing. I am waiting."

"And on the first day of the tenth month the tops of the mountains became visible" (Genesis 8:5)

As I meditate on Noah's story I realize that before a new world could commence, the old had to completely die. "Every living thing that moved...perished" (7:21). I once heard that you can find Jesus in all scriptures and it is so true. To live you must die to yourself...and that is what Jesus did for us. How can we truly live until we die? That is what Noah's story represents: The earth coming to its own end in order for new life to enter it. Many years later we still don't get it and there is much wickedness but Jesus died and resurrected so that we may have new life. So must we also loose our life in order to find it.

In a time where we can only see mountaintops the Lord requires patience. Noah's patience is what really captivated me. God only knows how long he waited till he gave further instructions to Noah. Surely Noah struggled, but patience was all he could offer to the Lord. So must we offer patience in times where we can only see the mountaintops but not the whole picture. Only God knows the outcome of all things but our diligence is what will eventually unlock the door for a new season to enter our lives.

"Be still and Know that I am God" (psalm 46:10)

There is so much more I would like to talk about but this will have to do...hope you are edified as I am.

Our Love was Good

2009-12-23T20:48:00.000-08:00

I like this song, although i think at the end it still tries to hold on to that one person, which i don't like, but what I do like it's the fact that there were no regrets:

Our love was good
and our love was right
and i don't regret it
no, not a single night
because i knew you
now i know of.
and i know that, i want more of..

the thing that poets right about
the thing that singers sing about
the thing that flowers bloom for
the thing that stars shine for
the thing that babies laugh for
the thing that jesus died for
the thing that winners wait for
the thing that trees reach for
the thing that addicts stop for
the thing that widows die for
the thing that proud are humbled for
the thing that lonely are looking for
the thing that made me come alive
the thing that made me realize
that love is the most beautiful thing
that anyone can happen to

and i know that
because i knew you
and for that
i say thank you
i'm not bitter
and i'm not mad
i'm just thankful
for the times we had
so this is farewell
this is good bye
i know you're a girl
but you don't have to cry

because our love was good
and our love was right
and i don't regret it
no not a single night
so good bye
my love.
good bye
my love
..goodbye

The ultimate Benefactor

2009-12-03T13:39:00.000-08:00

Benefactor:
1.a person who confers a benefit; kindly helper.
2. a person who makes a bequest or endowment, as to an institution.

Today I attended a luncheon In honor of those who help students achieve their 'dreams'. It was called "Face to Face" because the scholarship recipient gets to meet their benefactor, the person (or the couple) who gives the money for the scholarship they have received. Number twenty-one was my table. You have to understand that I do not care much for these things, especially if it's just a luncheon and all you have to do is hear people talk about how great education is and how one day the world will be different because of us. Cliche, I think. But today I was suppose to meet a person who actually gave money in order for me to graduate. I had to be there and meet them, right? I found table twenty-one and three students were already at the table, waiting for their benefactors. Pretty soon this sweet old man came and shook hands with all of us and I wondered if he was the man who had given me the money. He said something about Mozelle Powell. What? Oh yes, I looked down the name tag and there was the name of the scholarship I had received. I felt pretty dumb, "I should have done more research" I thought. But this old man was not my benefactor because when two staff members told him to take a picture with the recipients I was not called; I was not included. So then I had the brilliant idea of asking those two staff ladies if my benefactor was here, and so I did. "No, they are not here, whoever they are...there's no name here to match you. See?" They gave me an apologetic look to which I replied, "Oh no, it's ok I was just wondering who it was, if they were here, so I could honor them". They just nodded and smiled. I went back to my seat.

I could not help to feel yet again, alone. I silently prayed, "Okay God, I just wrote a note about being lonely and then this happens!? No benefactor, no father, no complete family; what are you trying to tell me?" I instantly remembered the novel titled Jane Eyre. Jane Eyre had a benefactress but she was no help because Jane was still alone. She was considered a dependant, she was told that she was there only because she depended on them, the 'benefactors'. As I sat there thinking about what being dependent meant I felt God speaking to me..."Yes, your father was not there to tell you your worth. Yes, he was not there to provide shelter and protection. I know that you had to go through this without him who was suppose to be your provider, but now that this benefactor of yours is not here does not mean that you have none. Look at that empty chair beside you...that's me. I'm your ultimate benefactor. Do you see now?" And reader, yes I did. I cried.

I've always known that God has provided. I've always told people that if it weren't for God I wouldn't be in college but today when I felt that there was no one to claim me, He did. He sat through that whole meeting with me. He sat through my talk with Mrs. Hall (this other benefactor). He ordained my steps. He poured out once again the Favor. And last, when our university President acknowledged the scholarship recipients I imagined Him clapping together with the other three hundred people in the room, but He was clapping for me. He was, is, and is to be my ultimate benefactor.

Four girls; Cuatro Chicas

2009-12-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

Cold fronts are coming; cold rain is settling in the lands of Huntsville, TX. Today my roommate woke me up at 7:30; i go in to work at 8. I panicked and did not understand why my alarm had failed to work. Sonia says that she thinks it did and I probably must have turned it off. I don't remember at all.....

When you wake up in such a hurry your mood is basically set for the whole day; if you let it. I woke up a bit nostalgic thinking about the past and how Christmas isn't Christmas anymore. I remember a good friend of mine telling me last year (around this time) that he hated what Christmas had become....all these people going shopping to buy a gift; Christmas has become about materialism. At the time I listened but did not take it in. Now, it's sinking in because it's very true. I know how it feels to be the giver and see the recipient of the gift unwrapping it so excitedly to say thank you so t hat a few weeks later it does not matter anymore. Because things get old. Because stuff does not last forever. Now that I get some sort of income and am expected to give gifts I get sad. I'm not cheap; if it was in my power I would buy my sisters the most expensive technology they desired, but what will that do to their hearts? Nothing but spoil their Christmas. Yes it will spoil their Christmas because in later years that is what Christmas will become to them: getting what they can get and enjoying the family time for the sake of opening presents.

Why am I writing about this? I have no idea. Maybe I do...Christmas stopped being Christmas to me a long time ago. Why do these feelings cease to exist? I hate being alone with my mother and sisters for the Holidays; I secretly wish to see fireworks together and to have extended family come on over and make it count for eternity. But no, that is not the case. It's just us four. Las niñas de Dios. God's four girls. Does it seem that I am ungrateful? Well I was...but trust me, this will have a better ending.

For thanksgiving my step dad came over and cooked for us. Some Cuban rice and some turkey with yuca and plantains...yum; it was really good. However, it was just us again. I enjoyed the evening but later on I could not help but feel sad. I wanted to escape reality and be with as much people as possible; I did not want to be alone. During the break I went to pick up my mom one night from work and she was telling me about her co-workers who don't do anything for the holidays. She said, "Michel, I don't understand. How can people do nothing over the holidays? I ask people what their plans are and they just say they will be doing nothing but watching tv. They don't cook, they don't plan anything! I want to cook and I want to be with my family for the holidays! I want to make it fun for all my girls; at least do something!" Instantly I felt convicted. 'I'm sorry God' i whispered in my mind.

Getting a small view into my mother's thoughts pierced my heart. We were alone for thanksgiving, yes, and perhaps we will be alone for Christmas as well but that is no punishment. That is nothing I should feel remorse for. Enjoying this season is what I need to be doing and yet I let my heart wander off to its desolate 'feelings'. We are no good. Like King Solomon said "everything is meaningless" when God isn't in it. Have you ever felt like your life is a rush? You go by the day and you ask yourself "where has the day gone? Is it already December? my gosh that has happened fast!" And I wonder if we remember at all the events of this year. What did we do? What moments could we say we were thankful for? I wonder if we could remember any specific moment in which we felt overjoyed to be with family. Has this too ceased to exist?

Have you ever wondered why thunderstorms exist? Why not simple rain to water the lands? I once heard that thunderstorms existed to interrupt our busy lives. Classes get canceled, lights go off work. Everything seems to go wrong. It's like God telling us, "Ya basta! Descansa! Leave it all to me; I'm interrupting for your sake". I think that's why we don't feel christmas anymore....we've become too numb and have lost our focus. Do we need an interruption? So even if thanksgiving passed and it was a blurr , I have an expectant heart for Christmas. Spend some time with your family, show them that they are no burden (Even if you have never thought of them that way, your actions can still portray the same) , show them that you're not there for the gifts. The truth about Christmas? Is that the son of God became the ordinary to save us from the ordinary. There is no reason to be ordinary this Christmas holiday, yet we should be ordinary with our family. By this last statement I mean that being with the family does not have to cost money; it should only cost your precious time. True fellowship starts with spending time with one another....This Christmas, let's strive for true fellowship within our families.

God is interrupting us, will you stay In and enjoy? Or will you be that annoying boss who expects people to come to work in the midst of a tornado? Hope you have a Merry Christmas.

If i try to save my life...

2009-11-21T00:09:00.001-08:00

It's two o'clock in the morning and I cannot sleep. I think it's partly because I took a nap and had some chi tea shortly after that but also because I'm just thinking. Will this really be my last year? You know that saying "it seems so far away"? Well that is not how I feel at all...it feels so close. What to do after four years of college? The obvious answer will be to go straight into the workforce, help my mother and go on with life, isn't that right? But see...that's just logic; it's not Jesus. I've learned that when you think you have God all figured out that's when you least know Him....and when you feel like you you're lost and you don't know what the heck to do with your life, that's when you're in the right place. Isn't that crazy? God just turns our beliefs upside down.

So here is what's been happening in my life recently: I've tried to figure out what will become of me after graduation so I tried opening many doors, like applying to this program that will help me get a PhD because I thought that's what I wanted to do. Then I tried thinking about giving a year to missions, going to get my masters in English here at Sam and many other things....but none gives me peace yet. Why is it so hard to give up my own ambitions and see clearly? I really don't think it's hard to find the Will of God; I think it's hard to accept it...why? Because it's so simple that we say "it cannot be; it cannot be that simple" and that's when God tells ya "if you are not willing to do that, then we have to start all over". Maybe the Lord has told me already what He wants me to do but I don't want to listen; I do not want to accept It because I cannot believe it's that simple. "Take your cross and follow me" He says.

The truth is that I find anything in life meaningless compared to the peace of pure abandon. Right now, I do not have God figured out and I am so lost as to what the future holds but I do know one thing: He always comes through, even if it's at the last minute. I hear Jesus asking "Will you stay here and keep watch with me?" I was reading today in Mark 14 about when Jesus was about to be arrested, he asked three of his disciples to pray and keep watch with him, but they couldn't even last one hour. Meanwhile, Jesus was praying, "everything is possible for you. please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will be done, not mine". He actually prayed for the suffering to be taken away from him BUT ONLY if it was God's will. Your will be done, not mine; that's what Jesus prayed.

So to conclude, I know that like Jesus, in the next few months I'm going to have to pray that same prayer: "let your will be done". But just like Jesus knew that he was going to be betrayed and put to death, we sometimes know what we ought to do for that next step in life, yet our prayers are never forsaken. All this to say that there is no better life than the Will of God for you. There is no other satisfaction, there is no other true joy. I leave you with this song that just describes it all...

This Is True Life
Justin Rizzo

Oh the peace of pure abandon

Oh the joy of sweet surrender

‘Cause if I try and save my life I will lose it
But if I lose my life for your sake I’ll find it in the end

I have to give you everything
And then the yoke is easy
I have to give you everything
And then the burden is so light

And oh the peace of pure abandon
And oh the joy of sweet surrender

Life (happy holiness) is found in the letting go (joyful righteousness)
Joy (happy holiness) is found in the tearing of the heart (as I give it all away)

Your joy, your peace is found

Prayers

2009-11-17T14:38:00.001-08:00

I have not had the opportunity to write....but I do want to write. I have much homework and for the first time in all my Sam Houston years I actually have to do homework on thanksgiving break. =(. Besides that, life is great and above all, God is good. As the end of the semester approaches I am praying to God for these things, and if anyone read this, I will ask for your help in praying as well.

1) For my mother. The Lord has been giving her strength all these years but lately she has felt sick from time to time and I just pray for a healthy body.

2) For my sisters...That they may get to know God in a more beautiful way that what is shown to them by others. A curiosity that will not cease.

3) For my last year of Sam to count. Yesterday there was a new girl that came to small group; I know it's the end of the semester already but God is good and He knows what He is doing!

4) For wisdom and direction. For vision, especially about my plans after graduation.

5) For thanksgiving to count for eternity.

Merci dieu. je'taime.

LISTEN!! Please....

2009-11-04T12:42:00.000-08:00

Can so many things change in one weekend? I never knew that it could be possible until this weekend. WOW. I feel like a different person. It is only by His power that things can change...BUT it is only if you are willing. For the first time ever, this weekend I was ready to surrender my all, and so I did. Feelings changed, my future changed, everything was a mess and still probably is but the only difference is that now I am trusting Jesus. I know I still have so many things to work on, especially in my character but this weekend....I can't explain it. Como puedes cambiar de la noche a la mañana?

As I feel new feelings, as I explore the beauty of choosing to love...I need to tell myself to slow down. Calm down. Take it one day at a time. But I don't want to!! I want to scream everywhere and say "i was wrong!! I was truly wrong!! I'm sorry and I will never let this chance ever pass me again!" But the truth is...I probably will. Maybe not this certain situation, but with other things. When was the last time I truly showed my sister that I care for her? This is just an example, but oh how true it is!

All I can think of what I learned is this: Pray for discernment. In every situation, bring it to God. EVERY SITUATION!! I cannot emphasize this more...in everything, don't be hasty. Don't think that God doesn't care about this little detail, because it's so important!! One little "not important" detail can lead to a deviation of the will of God. Listen to what other people are telling you, LISTEN!! please!!! It will save you so much time....so so so much time....

A Much Needed Slap

2009-10-31T15:35:00.000-07:00

Psalm 31:1 "In you, O Lord, I put my trust; Let me never be ashamed"

I put my trust in Him who knows all things. How dare I think that I know more? I've been running from options; I've been running to options. But all of them fall short because all of them are selfish. I keep on asking Him, "Let me be free, will you set me free?" I keep on saying to take it away, whatever it takes. That is why today the stinging slap on my cheek penetrates my soul as my eyes get watery of so much pain. What did Jesus say about slaps? Turn the other cheek. I stare into nothing; I stand with tears rolling down hurting the red mark on my face. I stand and hesitate to turn the other cheek, but I do.

Jesus never completed this story, so I don't know what to expect. I wait for my other cheek to hurt like the first slap, yet there is no sting. There is no "I told you so"; there's just grace. Oh thank you...oh thank you. I cannot bare the shame; I cannot bare this shame. It's been two years? Two years that you've warned me. In those days of old you have given me plenty of exits. You have opened doors like a gentleman waiting for the lady to walk through. But the lady has rejected Him. That lady. She is me.

All this time I thought this was the best I could ever had...¿Quién quiere más? Pero escuchaste mi petición; You heard my cry, "Let not shame stand in my way". You heard it and you remembered. You were determined to prevent hurt and that's why you slapped me. You discipline those whom you love. Yes, you do love me after all. The tears I have are not because you slapped me, it is because you had to get to that point in order for me to listen. That's why it hurts. That's why it stings. When I slowly turned my head to give you the other naked mejilla, you stopped me from turning; you held my hand. There's not use in giving la otra because you know I've learned. I stand there like Abraham so glad he didn't have to kill Isaac. You don't demand me to kill; you demand me to obey. There is no shame in your grace.

She's beautiful

2009-10-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

Recently I had another dream which has challenged the view I have of the church. Why do we go to church? Why is it that we get together as "believers" yet that's what we least do. We do not believe and take away from the glory of God and focus on ourselves and what we agree with and what we don't agree with. Quarrels, slander...no wonder why the the world wants nothing to do with the church. We are like....everyone else.

In the dream I was running away from this foul spirit that was chasing me and my two other friends. I do not remember what this wicked spirit's intentions were but all I know is that it caused fear, hence, we were running away from it. All I could think of was getting into a local church, and so we did. We found this little church in between these small houses where you could see the building's light coming out of the little church. As soon as we got in we went all the way into the front, to the altar of the church. What I first noticed was that there was no pastor in front. No worship leader...no authority, YET the church was worshipping all together. Some were praying, some were singing,some were with lifted hands, but all were glorifying God.

Almost as soon as we got in and thought we were safe one of the spirits that were chasing us came in. He was in a shape of a little boy. The little boy comes walking down the aisle trying not be noticed. He wanted to get to the altar, to get to us. All I remember was looking at this little demon boy while he was walking down the aisle when all of a sudden the whole church, as if they were all one person turned their heads towards the little boy and spread out their hands to say, "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus". Everyone was saying "I"; no one was saying "we". Everyone who was worshipping was now attentive to this little boy who was trying to creep in pretending he was just one of them. The church recognized it...there was something impure walking in and every single member of the church knew that it was not holy. It took a while for the little boy to go away, the words of the church were powerful but it was a huge struggle before the little boy gave up. After this I saw that the church went back to worship. It was as if they were saying, "Another devil cast out, let's go back to praising the only worthy to be praised".

Then again...almost immediately after the little boy left, the leader of the pack came in. He was a very tall man dressed in black. Again, he was walking down the aisle trying to make his way to the front unnoticed. And AGAIN, the whole church could feel wickedness coming in and they turned their heads to the very tall man and said the same words, "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!" This time however, after the name of Jesus the church went wild. Some where screaming, some were dancing, some where clapping but ALL were shouting "JESUS!!! YES!! JESUS!". It was a celebration; it was supernatural. As soon as the church started glorifying God the strongman left. He couldn't stand it, all the praise was just too much. And then...I woke up.

If I could express in words the beauty of that church I would...They were all one. There was no division, in fact, when division (the spirits) tried to step in the church they immediately recognized it. Mark chapter 3 says that if a kingdom is divided against itself then it cannot stand! How then will the church stand today if it is divided against itself? Ahh...the current beauty of the church is when there is unison in all they do. The beauty of the church shines when Jesus is glorified. She is indeed precious, and if you are part of the church, you are indeed beautiful.

Acts

44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

In the Middle of the Night

2009-10-11T03:48:00.000-07:00

Around 4:20 am I woke up from my half- asleep dreams by a horrible scream. It was a woman.I could hear some dialogue but I wasn't sure if it was a fight or a party.It just kept getting worse and all I could hear were screams and then a man's voice. Who was this? It didn't take long before I got out of bed and saw my roommate in the living room with the main door open, looking to see were the screams were coming from. I got informed that it was a woman screaming for her child not to be taken away from her. A man whom I presume to be a husband, or ex husband, was trying to steal her child. She screamed like a lunatic; she cried out. I was immediately scared; I dared not approach the door and told my roommate to shut the door because I was thinking the worst: that he had a gun, ready to shoot. Just then my roommate shook her head and said, "Oh no, he has a knife! Oh no...I'm gonna call the police". I thought she said "gun"; the things you hear when your heart is beating so fast...

To make a long story short, the cops got here very soon but we're not sure what happened to the child, or to the man. Sonia and I settled back into our beds and for the life of me I couldn't go back to sleep. So I started talking to Sonia about how much our hearts were hurting for that woman, and we realized that that's why we lead young women to Christ...so that those situations can be prevented and replaced by godly women who will then have successful relationships. We felt the need to intercede and so we did, and as we were praying the Lord gave me an image that blew my mind away...

The Woman represents the church; in other words, us. The man and the knife represents Satan, and the Child symbolizes the lost sheep. Are we willing to scream out and fight for that lost sheep just like that mother was doing for her child? I began to cry even more...I began to think of all my friends and family who were in the same situation as the Child, grabbed by satan who holds out a knife to those who dare to scream. The scripture that came to mind was when Jesus told peter, "those who live by the sword, die by the sword". Satan you will die by the sword! It is to the most utter importance that we, as the woman who was screaming, realize that we are not able to take the knife away from the oppressor. Salvation comes from Him only. This is OUR fight; our fight to pray against the darkness, but by no means will we have the victory on our own. Only Jesus can take away the knife. Only He is mighty to save!

Ay de mí

2009-09-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

Ay de mí, si es amor, cuánto atormenta.

-Leopardi

Press On.

2009-09-03T07:10:00.000-07:00

Another day, Another year. This is but a mere page in the histories. Eternity is so close yet so far. There is so much purpose yet to be lived.

As this semester is starting i cannot believe that it will be my third year as a small group leader. The first year was something uncontrollable, only the Lord would be able to do what was accomplished in the first year. The second year i was hanging my a mere string of mercy...yet the Lord was faithful and now all the girls of the first year are still faithful. And this third year I am starting from scratch and it's not as the first year, and it's not as the second, yet perserverance is what will be able to pull me through. I don't understand and i don't feel i have the strength to press on but time after time when i cry out to be saved, he comes through.

If i may be brave enough to say so...this year is the scariest of them all. It is the year of "you're either in this or not". All i can say is anyone can do a year...anyone can lead for two years...but once you're in it for more than a couple of years you're either at the verge of falling into complacency or you're in it with all your passion till you die. I've been thinking about eternity...if were to die today would Jesus tell me, "well done good and faithful servant?" Oh....there is just so much more I can do. There is just so much people out there. So many people that don't know they need to hear the greatest love story of all. And will it be up to me? No....that's were I am mistaken...I am just the vessel.....HE does all the work through me.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (2 cor. 12:9)

Decisions.

2009-08-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

Here's a little something that I've been chewing on:

When Abraham's servant heard what they said, he bowed down to the ground before the LORD. 53 Then the servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother. 54 Then he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night there.
When they got up the next morning, he said, "Send me on my way to my master."

55 But her brother and her mother replied, "Let the girl remain with us ten days or so; then you [g] may go."

56 But he said to them, "Do not detain me, now that the LORD has granted success to my journey. Send me on my way so I may go to my master."

57 Then they said, "Let's call the girl and ask her about it." 58 So they called Rebekah and asked her, "Will you go with this man?"
"I will go," she said.

Many of you guys are making decisions right now; who you hang out with, what you do with your time....who you talk to, who you don't talk to. Some of you are thinking, what am I going to do in the future? Where will I go? That's the popular question...do I stay where I'm at? or do I go?

Remember what I told you guys? Are we going to be complacent in our walk...or will we go deeper? I'll tell you one thing....the greatest preacher can teach you guys about the mysteries and revelations of God, but if you are not seeking Him, you won't value it much. What do you value?? Are you being complacent? In the end...it's about having an open heart to receive.

Rebeka had an open heart. She had the CHOICE . Wether to stay with her family 10 more days and forsake the plan the Lord had for her, or go with a man she barely knew. A woman...had a choice. Back in the day...women weren't much of a decision maker....yet she had a choice. Oh how awesome is the Lord that he has given us a choice! The Lord will not force himself upon you; He will let you have a choice. So ...will you stay "10 more days" with what you are comfortable with? or will you step out in faith and say "yes, I will go". 10 days may very well be a month, a year, 10 years? Whatever your situation is the Lord is giving you a choice..."Will you hold on to it any longer?? or will you go after MY plan?"

I hope this speaks to you guys. Love you all.

In Him

-Michy

Alone for 3 weeks.

2009-08-08T21:18:00.000-07:00

V,

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" Proverbs 18:24

These past few weeks has reminded me of what friendship truly means in the Lord. It is to be there at all times, to help each other, especially when both are facing the same thing. Being alone is pretty hard, and I think we both learned that these past few days. I wanted to write something to you so that when you feel down, or want to be reminded what life is all about...you can read and find joy and peace. Following are a few things we learned during the weeks of july-august of 2009. Enjoy ;).

1. Break ups are hard, but many times neccesary. "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him" (2 Cr. 16:19). Being committed to Him will bring strenght....remember, everything is beautiful at its time. (Ecc. 3)

2.Cooking is fun! Potato salad not so good when you have been eating healthy for so long and then bam! a big chunk of potatoes and mayonnase. Great.

3. We want Cameron Ingalls to be our wedding photographer. =)

4. "Do it friend!" Has become more than just a joke....I think we say it seriously now....oh gosh....we're white.

5. Remember to always check the sign in the restroom....the boys sign sure looks like the women's....whoops. Big mistake (cucos).

6. We've learned that the songs "single ladies" and "all by myself" apply to our lives at the moment. LOL.

7. Learned that when Michel gets sick....and gets high on ibuprofen....the party's on!

8. I learned that you don't remember directions, don't know how to wash, and don't know how to upload pics. lol....

9. Olive garden has become our favorite restaurant. And when scarce on money...remember to order water, and share a plate with a friend, because the salad and the bread will fill you up. =)

10. Despite me going away to Sam and you living all the way in sugarland, our friendship has remained solid.

I want to thank you for being a good friend and thank the Lord that over all these years we have always kept in touch. You are what I call a "long life" friend. Together we have fought the good fight, and are still running the race...This is not a farewell letter but let me just say this....Going to heaven together will rock. I'm glad that we have that security in our savior, that we, and those who we love will be together forever praising the only one who is worthy to be praised. I love you friend. =)

Can you survive the Deluge??

2009-08-06T16:31:00.001-07:00

I'm starting all over again reading the Word of God from the beggining. I came accross the Great Flood, or in other words...the Deluge. Many people know who Noah is and what the rainbow represents. Before reading on, I suggest you read Genesis 4-6.

Yea that's right there is a boring geneaolgy before Noah ever comes into the picture but get this....if you count the generations before Noah you will find that there are 9 starting from Adam and Eve. Noah is the tenth generation from the beggining of the human race. Why is this important? Because the number 10 means "perfection of Divine order" It can also mean "completeness" and if you realize, the number 10 starts a whole new set of numbers...meaning that something new is about to happen. The deluge is not about a mean God who wanted to kill everyone because of their wickedness, rather a picture of what we as humans go through when new seasons in our lives come forth. The bible says that every breathing creature was destroyed with the exception of Noah, his family and the animals the Lord told him to save. Why?

Genesis 6:9 explains why Noah was saved. First because he was a righteous man, second he was blameless and last, he Walked with God. Witouth these things, you cannot survive the next deluge that will come into your life. The point of a deluge is to swipe away anything in you that does not produce fruit. The whole point is that all "old" things are to be left behind. Old things cannot come into the new season....They must die, they must drown. Why? So that new things can come, so that whatever God wants to pour into your life may come through with order, and not face a disorder (the wicked people before the flood).

In the End you will find that when a deluge cleans out everything that you were holding on to, a lasting covenant with the Lord will remain. God wants to purge everything that is perishable (6:17) in your life. Only those who Walk with God will be able to withstand the flood, so that the righteous and the blameless will remain.

What do you fear?

2009-08-03T16:32:00.000-07:00

There has been many times in my life in which I had to make hard decisions. I have prayed, I have cried out and questioned God,"Lord what is your will for my life?" "what is it that you want me to do at this moment; at this time?" Have you ever been in that place?

In the past I have let my heart be troubled when thinking of such decisions, but today I want to encourage the brokenhearted. I want to answer that prayer you have asked for so long. It is so simple....and I know what you're thinking, probably rolling your eyes because you know that walking with God has not been the easiest thing ever...but He is not complicated. I think we are. You want to know God's will for your life?

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Let me tell you that Fear will always have a hold in your life until you realize that the only one that should be feared IS God alone.
Isaiah 8

2 "Do not call conspiracy
everything that these people call conspiracy [a] ;
do not fear what they fear,
and do not dread it.

13 The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy,
he is the one you are to fear,
he is the one you are to dread,

"he is the one you are to fear"

So let me go back, what is God will for your life?

To be always joyful,
To never stop praying,
to give thanks in EVERYTHING that comes your way....

IN every circumstance we should not fear what is to come, but only He, Our Lord and Savior. Don't let your heart be troubled...this is a promise that we should all hold on to. What a freedom it is to know that I should not have to fear anything but the Lord himself! And if we know God, that last statement should not scare us. Because we Know that God works for the good of those who love Him.

10 days In Tenerife

2009-06-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

How to summarize everything that God did In ten days? I will try my best...

We took three planes In order to get to Tenerife. The first, from here to Dallas, then from Dallas to Madrid and finally from Madrid to Tenerife. It was three long flights and I barely had enough sleep in them, but I was very excited. As soon as we got there we got to meet Mark and Kelly Baumgartner, the missionaries who have been serving the people of Tenerife for six years. They are very organized people and as soon as we arrived they had work for us to do. The first night we helped some adult students practice their English with us; it was an afternoon full of laughter and love. After that we went to eat diner and that is when I had my first anxiety/panic attack in Tenerife. Everyday that I was there, I had one. I believe it was a combination of the physical and the spiritual; I felt discouraged by it but at the same time the lack of sleep and the elevation was probably affecting me greatly. Sometimes I couldn't eat because I would feel very sick...but nonetheless, when I worshipped, or laughed, it will almost immediately go away. Amen!

The first three days were spent it giving out tracts; I can say now that I am an expert in giving out tracts! hehhe . It was quite an experience to see how the people would react towards us. I heard that some people got cursed at , and others saw people crumble the paper in front of them. I didn't see that but I did try to give a tract to a girl and she told me "no, really no, no thanks." It was a bit shocking. There was also another day when we were helping another church pass out tracts and I got to see three events back to back that were targeted towards us. The first was two older women who were talking to each other and were cursing at us and talking bad about the church. The second was a college girl who was passing by us and talking on the phone with her friend, telling them that she will NOT go to a church. And finally, the third was this girl who was at least honest; she gave me the tract back (that looked like it had been crumpled) and said, "here, I don't want to throw it away, just have it back". I just laughed at the fact that I was so suprised that these people did not want to have anything at all to do with the church. They are so mad at the church, but they don't realize that it's not the instiution, but what the Cross did for them. They cannot seem to understand relationship. From what I observed...spanish people are very lonely.

One of the main highlights was the youth service. Thursday, the night before the youth service, Mark and Kelly dropped us off at a park. All 26 of us were together worshipping God and then the missionaries told us that we should spread out because people will be scared to approach a big mass of people. So we spread out into groups and I went off with the worship team and felt like we were preparing the place for God's presence. And sure enough God's presence was moving and we got to meet two girls and invited them to the youth night. As night set in, we started to sing more, and our team got together to worship the Lord. His Spirit was thick that night and I believe there was not a single person who wasn't feeling a brokeness that evening. I had my eyes closed for the longest of time and when I opened them I saw that there was a group of spaniards looking at us worshipping God. I also saw many walking by and just looking at to see what we were doing; I knew that they needed to hear a message in spanish and so I began to sing "made me glad" by Hilsong in Spanish. And they started to listen more and God gave me a word; "and one day every knee will bow down and confess that Jesus Christ is Lord". And when I said that, I knew they were listening and I knew that they were talking about us. I'm not sure what they thought about us, but whatever it was, God's word was proclaimed in the streets of Tenerife!! Those words were being spoken into the air and wether we truly believe it or not, JESUS is coming back!

Suprisingly, the two girls we met attended the youth service on friday! This is a big deal because young people in Spain are NOT into church at all. In fact, one of the days when we were passing out tracts we met this lady Isabella. She was so suprised that we had come to Tenerife because of God's work. Her exact words were: "It is so rare to see young people serving God; that is usually lef to the older people." I smiled as she said that because it meant that we were doing something radical! sweet! On friday night the Spirit of Joy poured out in that place! At first we played some games then we performed a human video of how we live in bondage sometimes because of our sins, and last we got into the Word and started ministering. Again, I felt the Lord speaking to me. I felt as if He was telling me that they were scared to think that this was all fake and that they were not going to feel His presence. So as we were playing slow worship songs I challenged them to step out in faith and even toough their faith may be as little as a mustard seed the Lord will honor that, and take it, and respond! I affirmed them that what they saw in us was real and that we were not fake at all, we really loved God. So, people started taking steps of faith. I spotted it easily becaue we outnumbered them big time! We were 26, and they were about 7. I saw one of the guys cry as one of our leaders was praying over him. Two other girls were crying and the two girls we had met at the park the day before came and were saved that night!! Amazing! I later asked them if they had liked it and they said "yes, we had never seen joy like this. This is really real. " That night we were dancing and having fun in the Lord's presence; there was freedom in the house!

One of the last highlights was the local church. The church....was beautiful. Because Tenerife is a turistic place, british people come and sometimes stay to live. The church is bilingual and every time we did worship we sang in spanish and english. On sunday morning we had a break and we got to see their worship...all I can say is WOW. It was the best thing I had ever seen....It really felt like WE were the church, and not the building. That's the best way I can explain it. Mark and Kelly are looking for a new place because the church is growing and the place where they are at does not hold their members anymore. I ask for your prayers in this situation! The Lord is doing a mighty work in there but the enemy does not want it to flourish. And with this I will finish....

One day I would like to go back. Maybe I will , maybe I won't, but I loved every moment in Tenerife. It made me realize a few things about myself, as well as finding out that ten days in Tenerife were perfect. On the last day we went to Mount Teide, the highest mountain in Spain. As we were driving up towards the base of El Teide we could see other islands; that's how high it was. I saw that many people lived on the mountain and I asked Mark, "is there any christian church here?" He told me that there wasn't and that a small group had tried to start but it wasn't doing very good. I looked at all the beautiful houses and tought to myself " I have actually come to a place where there is not a christian church in site. Just catholic, but not christian. There is no one here who can speak of a personal relationship with Christ. It's all tradition." I felt saddened but at the same time so happy that in this little island that God created in his Splendor....he had saved his Remnant. And I pray that those chosen ones will sow in tears and reap with Joy. All of this I seal in Jesus name, Amen. Thank you....to all who supported me!

At the university of La laguna...some university students together with some of the girls in our team.
Children...we had a reachout event at the park one day. Got to see children have fun, and some didn't want to leave the park! =)

There she goes....

2009-05-13T20:27:00.000-07:00

I am sobbing and Ester tries to calm me down by telling me that she is probably just asleep. I want to be there myself, but I am in Huntsville. I am helpless, yet trying to reach out to Houston. Ester tries to break in with a spare key of the apartment that my mom had given her, but it is useless because a little chain is still blocking her full entrance. I hear Ester scream out my mom's name and I also hear no reply. I start to panic; is my mom okay? Did something happen to her?

Our Cuban neighbors told Ester that her car is in the parking lot so she must be there...why is she not hearing us? I start to cry, and so many tears come out thinking that the worst had happened. But what about my sisters? How come they don't hear the noises of my neighbors and Ester trying to break in? Are they all ....dead? And the telephone rings...and rings...and no answer. That is not like my mom, you see....she is so sensible that any little sound wakes her up. She even tells me how she hates people who don't answer their phones because she says, "What if it's an emergency?"

You see...my mom is not like that. She would have answered my phone calls. She would have called me one last time that night to ask me if I was safe in my room, so that she may peacefully sleep. You see.....my mom is not like that.

And these things kept running through my mind:

She did not have a good enough mothers day....tear
I did not get to tell her how much I care... tear
I forgot to tell her that I was ignoring her because I really needed to study....tear
I do not want her to leave me like this, with my guilty feelings...sobbing..

How imaginative the human mind is. How we can make ourselves believe something that is untrue, even though it has all the appearances of truth. It turns out that my mom was sleeping in the far end room, safe, asleep, and with the door locked. She said she did not hear anything, but she did admit that it was strange how she had not heard the phone ring. You see...my mom is not like that.

If I think long enough I will find myself crying again, just thinking of the possibility of her being gone. "And there she goes"....says the Lord. And He reminds me of my own futile life. All those instant guilty regrets I was having at the possibility of my mother's death, they were all just a lecture applied to my own personal walk with the Lord.
And here are my thoughts if I were to die suddenly:

What would I wish I could have done beforehand?
And what would have I done differently to show the Love of Jesus? To show that I cared?
And what excuses would I be giving God if I were to be standing before His throne?
And oh....how ashamed I would feel....tear.

And there I go....

What can awaken a sleeper? Once again, knowing you are but dirt that will return to dirt. What we need, and not just once in a lifetime, is a constant revelation of the Cross.

Pasiones

2009-04-28T22:40:00.000-07:00

Recently a friend of mine posted a blog about the passions he had; I said....why not write about my own passion? Here they are...

1. I am passionate for God. Sometimes the worries of this world choke me up, but I am persistant. I don't have peace if God is not by my side. My prayer always is, "Take not thy Holy Spirit from me".

2. I am passionate about my ministry. Basically, my girls (small group). There has been a few challenges along the way but in the end I believe I was meant to meet them. I was meant to care, love, and lead these young girls that will eventually go back into the world and impact it for Jesus.

3. I am passionate about my family. We are truly favored by the Lord. I am always grateful because of God's mercy towards us. His four girls =). He always got our back.

4. I am passionate about reading and writing. I have not been able to read that much lately for pleasure but I love writing. I think I would have gone crazy if it wouldn't have been for writing all my worries out. Words are powerful to me, which I believe can also be my weakness. This is just because I can be intimidated by what people would say of me. I guess I can include photography in here...while im at it.

5. I am passionate about fellowship. I hate the feeling of being lonely at night; I lived a year alone on campus...roommates are neccesary for me (even tough they can get on my nerves; I still love 'em ). Now don't get me wrong, I love having a lone time, but I also love talking and enjoy the feeling that comes when conversating with good friends. (especially while eating at sonic or while drinking tea!)

6. I am passionate about singing. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't sream out a song every once in a while. It helps me release stress. =D.

7. I am passionate about Guatemala, my country. I believe this is a piece of earth that God blessed me with. It is the closest thing to heaven. Guatemala is a nation; Guatemala is a notion.

A Great Challenge

2009-04-16T23:36:00.001-07:00

There is a sense of revolution within every soul. Why is that? I do not attempt to know why such things are the way they are but what I do know is that youth is usually connected with what we call rebellion. Is it rebellion that causes revolution? If so, can there be such a thing as good or bad rebellion? “Bad” rebellion is usually associated with disobedient children going against the parental establishment. But how about the good rebellion? Like that of our founding fathers who stood for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

When I hear the word revolution I immediately correlate it with the color red. Red for blood. In a revolution blood must be shed. It is the unnatural going against the natural. Perhaps the worst rebellion that humankind has seen is that of the forbidden fruit. The great disobedience of Adam and Eve caused a fallen world. However, the greater revolution that stood against a fallen world was that of the Great Commission.

There is a difference between rebellion and revolution. Rebellion leads to death while revolution leads to a resurrected principle. There is no doubt that the American Revolution was the greatest asset in what we have today: a free country. This privilege that we have was obtained through a price; it was inherited through blood. I do not believe in “good” or “bad” rebellion that will lead to a change in society but in a Revolution that will ultimately bring change.

Jesus once said that the kingdom of heaven advances forcefully (matthew 11:12). Why would Jesus talk so violently? It is because he sees things in black and white; there are no gray areas. To fight for what He loved He had to go through the greatest sacrifice of all: The cross. Through this He restored the resurrected principle of salvation through grace.

“Men Lay a hold of it” (mt 11:12); what is “it”? The cross. Once we carry our cross there is no turning back, and if we do, we have settled for sin (proverbs 24:16). Revolution comes though blood; has there been enough martyr's blood? Are we true revolutionists at heart? Or will we, like Judas, settle for thirty pieces of silver?

This is not rebelling against society, but rather taking back what the enemy has stolen: our spiritual freedom. With this said, let us strengthen the weak, save the lost and forcefully proclaim the Good New

Silencio: Silence

2009-04-16T23:35:00.000-07:00

Silencio

Estaba comiendo sola, al menos eso pensaba cuando de repente, ahí en la silla morada a través de mi estaba Él. Claro que era Él! ¿Quién más podría ser? Empecé a imaginar lo que me diría, y lo que respondería a mi pregunta.
-Dios quiero que me digas ahorita! ¿Qué piensas de lo que quiero hacer? ¿Qué harías en mi lugar, qué harías Dios?-

Y Dios solo se queda mudo. No hay nadie sentado en la silla pero sabia que Dios estaba mirándome con esos ojos llenos de preocupación, como diciendo,
-Ay hija, de las cosas que te estas preocupando. Hay muchas cosas más que tienes que aprender. Cualquier decisión que tomes, es tuya mientras esa puerta este abierta.-

Mientras me concentraba en la silla trataba de estar los más atenta posible. Si es que Dios decidiera hablarme audiblemente estaba lista para escucharlo, Él siempre tiene cosas importantes que decir. Pero permaneció callado, no decía nada y sentí como que si Dios estuviese moviendo la cabeza en desacuerdo conmigo.

Sentía que Dios me observaba con esos ojos penetrantes que algún día miraron a María cuando él colgado en aquella cruz la veía llorar.
-Mi sangre es lo importante. Es lo que hace que todo nuevo una y otra ves. Es lo que redime tu situación y no te angusties, yo estaré contigo.

A veces, como dicen, Dios deja que escojas tus propios caminos. Él no es un Dios aburrido, le gustan las aventuras, y también le encanta sentarse conmigo mientras disfruto de un buen plato japonés para que al final haya tenido la mejor conversación de toda mi vida. Y dudo de ese silencio temeroso pero al mismo tiempo la silla en donde no estaba ningún ser sentado, había recogido vida mientras conversaba con Él. Y es tan extraño que no tiene que hablarme audiblemente para que yo pueda entender. Y es tan misterioso que su silencio me revela todo

Silence

I was eating alone, at least that is what I thought when all of a sudden across from me, there, in that purple chair was Him. Of course it was Him! Who else could it be? I began to imagine what he would say to me and what his response would be to my question.
“God I want you to tell me right now! What do you think of what I want to do? What would you do if you were in my shoes? What would you do God?

And God says nothing. There is no one sitting in the chair but I know God is looking at me with worried eyes as if he was saying, “oh child, the things you are worried about. There are many more things you have to learn. Whatever you decide, it’s yours as long as the door is open.”

While I am concentrating looking at the chair I try to be still as much as possible. If God was to decide to talk to me with his real voice I was ready to listen; He always has something important to say. But he said nothing and stayed quiet; I felt as if God was shaking his head with disappointment.
I felt as if God was observing me with those penetrating eyes that had once looked at Mary, watching her cry as He was hanging on that cross.

“My blood is the most important thing. It is what makes things new again. It is what redeems your situation; do not worry because I will be with you.”

Sometimes, like they say, God lets you choose. He is not a boring God; He loves adventures. And He also likes to sit with me while I enjoy a great Japanese meal so that in the end I would have had the best conversation in my entire life. I doubt His fearsome silence but at the same time, that chair where no one was sitting had somehow revived as our conversation kept on flowing. And it is so strange that even tough I don’t hear His real voice I understand. And it’s a mystery that His silence reveals it all.

Yet Another Day

2009-03-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yet anothery day passing by....

Today there is going to be rain and today we are breathing once again by God's grace. I have been thinking about how wasteful we are with our lives. What are we really doing that will echo in eternity?

I have been thinking about freedom, how many of us are truly free? How I wish to be truly free from this world!! but then that would mean that Heaven is my dwelling place, and I am still here on earth. The only reason why that is not a bad thing is because God created us with a purpose. To love is to be vulerable and that is exactly what God did when he created us. He was vulernable at creation because He loved us and then we eventually disobeyed, and He was hurt.

obedience....I am responsible for whatever dominates me because at some point or another I yielded to myself, but if I obey God, it is because I am yielding to Him. (Oswald Chambers). "There is no power in the human soul of itself to break the bondage of a disposition formed by yielding". but "yielding to Jesus will break every form of slavery". What am I saying?
That everyday we are to yield to Jesus, willingly, and become His bondslave, because when we yield to ourselves, we become a slave and there is no power within ourselves to deliver us, but there is power when we Yield to Him. How many times have we stopped the glory of God to be manifested because we have not yielded?

I have hated myself for so long when that would happen....when I knew I was stopping God's blessings because of my willingness to yield to myself. And I became captive. But Jesus frees, and he wants us to live a free life! I am sure I have many things to be free from, but one by one God has pointed out anything in me that has offended Him (Psalm 139:23-24) , and one by one I must learn to yield to Him and come out victoriously free.

Today I feel a renewed love for Jesus. Why? because of this:

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

And he will return! But until then, when we see "yet another day" let our hearts be renewed, let our desires be His desires, let us Yield to Him instead of ourselves, and let us pray this powerful verse:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

How many times have I prayed this, and He never fails to answer.

Living on the edge

2009-03-18T06:20:00.000-07:00

The week of Spring Break was a strange one; I must admit. It had so many good times, but at the same time it was full of attacks. That whole week I had been thinking about death. It was like if I entered some sort of paranoia stage in my life, where all I could think of was "will I die today? Am I prepared to die?". In my opionion, looking back it was so stupid. I will not say all the reasons why I was thinking that but I do know that one of them was certainly the way I was feeling about my health. I have been so tired since I started working, in fact for the first time in my life I have been receiving panic attacks (which is what I call them, because I don't really know what they are). But the symptoms are rapid palpitations, and something that makes me short of breath and that I feel like I am going to die. And so Spring break was full of life, because of many good things that happened (many divine appointments) but it was also full of death, because of the way I was feeling. I felt like I was living on the edge of a cliff, that any minute I will fall and that any movement seemed unreal.

I would go to the movies, go to the store, go change the car's tires and everything to me seemed false. My thoughts went from abnormal to absurd, because I had fear. Fear of living on a false cliff. Fear is not from the Lord I would tell myself (2 Timothy 1:7). I would ask myself, why am I scared? Why do I feel like this is my last moment...why is there fear in my heart?

It was not until the last day of Spring Break that I thought of what was really happening to me. I was in my bed at night and then it hit me; I was being attacked. Please do not think that I am always like this, believing that everything bad that happens is Satan, but I do believe that there has to come a point where you have to fight back. There is a REAL spiritual life, and there is REAL war going on, even if you do not want to believe it. It's like a pastor once said "Wether you believe it or not, JESUS IS COMING BACK". So, wether you believe it or not, THERE IS A REAL SPIRITUAL WORLD OUT THERE. And prayer is what moves us into victory.

Fear is not from God. God has not given us the Spirit of fear but He has given us POWER. It's at moments like this in life where you hav to choose to fight despite the way you feel. Despite how impossible your situation looks, the Lord has appointed you for this specific time, moment in history for you to live whatever you are living through. So you can either be stupid, and be sad in sickness, be sad in remorse, become angry, or you can choose to fight the good fight, run the race, and have no regrets! This is the year of pressing in, and it's not going to be easy.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 3:14

Year '09, year of PRESSING INTO HIS PRESENCE, HIS VICTORIES, HIS PASSIONS, HIS KINGDOM, and HIS PURPOSE!!

They Trust me and I trust God

2009-02-28T13:38:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I was driving back from Louisiana where Danielle, Sonia and I had just had a sweet time in the presence of God. We had to come back on Tuesday night after the last meeting, right around 11 pm. We had taken a nap earlier that day knowing very well that we had to drive all night in order to get back to Hunstville on Wed. morning for our classes. For the first hour Sonia drove but I offered to drive for the rest of the night, and so then began the long drive from 1:30-4:30 in the morning. I believe the the Lord gave me supernatural strenght like no other! Usually my eyes would have felt very heavy and I would have found myself closing my eyes very often, but not that night. Yes, I was really tired, but my eyes were not closing.

It was probably during the middle of the night that I looked up through the rearview mirror and I saw Danielle and Sonia sleeping. I thought to myself "I don't know how they can be sleeping, I wouldn't even trust myself!" But because they were really tired they decided to take that step of faitth (haha) and trust me with their lives. I must admit that the reason why I took the wheel was because if Sonia or Danielle would have been driving I would have been with my eyes wide open, so I said to myself "I might as well drive if i'm gonna be awake anyway". So I drove, and Danielle and Sonia slept (Although Sonia trusted me less because she kept on waking up and asking me if I was ok hahaha).

The whole point of this story is because lately I have made decisions that will tremendously impact my future, and not only impact, but change. I have shared with friends and spiritual leaders my worries, my desires, and what I want to accomplish, and what they have replied continously is "I trust your walk with God, so I trust that this decision is wise". I don't know how you would have felt but I FREAKED OUT. I started thinking of what if I was wrong? How can they trust me? I need direction! And then out of the misery of my doubt I heard God speak: They trust you because you Trust Me.

We got to Huntsville safe that Wed. morning. I said to the girls "okay we are here" and Danielle woke up and said "Seriously?!" I laughed because they had trusted me the whole time and then were surpised that we had gotten there not just safe but on time.

People trust me and this is what I want to tell them:

Thank you for trusting me. Thank you because that means that you know that I desire to do His will before mine, and even though I don't trust my own heart (because the heart can be deceitful) I trust the the Lord will make known to me His paths of life. He will never let me go, and I will find Joy in His presence. That night when I was driving back, I put on my ipod and started singing songs of praise and songs of worsip, I believe that that helped me stay awake all night. I know that if i praise Him, I am close to his heart, and it is much easier to follow his voice when pressing into his presence, I not only want to know His voice, but also want to discern any voice that is trying to lead me. So thank you for trusting me, so that I may trust in Him and find his perfect Will for my life.

John:
27My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. ²⁸I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.

New Era

2009-02-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

Sounds like a religion, but it's not. I am currently entering a New Era of my life. Next year I will be getting an apartment; a real apartment! I will be able to cook and have more freedom. Yey. I will be living at Cornerstone apartments and it will also be my last year of college. =(. Another thing that is new is Small group; almost all the OG's (original gangsters, from first year small group) is going through LTC, so that means that next year it will be a total new group. Well every year is different but this next year, I will be giving the rest of my girls away and sending them out two by two. Just like Jesus did with the seventy-two.

I have a vision that each girl will have a fruit like no other, in Jesus name I declare that. The Lord will do great things; I believe it.

I'm preaching and I don't believe

2008-11-17T08:19:00.000-08:00

It was not until a few weeks ago that I realized that my heart was not in the right place. Call it lack of reading the Word, call it lack of praying (things that build your faith), but I was beggining to enter a very scary stage of my life. I had no faith. I did not believe.

Can You be a christian and lack faith?

Absoulely not; Then you will be missing the whole point. But may I be brutally honest here...? I don't think there has been a single christian who never doubted his/her Christianity (maybe even for one second). The bible says we have all fallen short of the Glory of God, meaning that even with our actions, we have declared if we had faith at a specific moment or not. But...you see...that's THE PROBLEM. "our christianity". Am "I" really a christian? I'll explain what I mean...

My story of a christian starts my senior year in high school. I got saved at 12, but it wasn't until my last year in high school that I started getting serious about the Lord. The summer before college I went to a 220 conference (june 2006) and my life was changed dramatically. That was two years and a half ago...and now I am here writing a blog about being "faithless". After that conference I had radical faith for about two years, and then something started happening...my life became a distraction and it became about me, and not about God. I think that's where we loose it. We are SO imperfect and impure that we cannot even look at ourselves for one sec, because we start to loose it. We HAVE ALL fallen short of the Glory of God. (Romans 3: 23) We become confused, worried, frustruated, mad, hopeless and then all those sins are crouching at your door because you started focusing on yourself .

The Word of God says in 1 Corinthians 10:31:

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God"

My friend, my old small group leader was sitting in front of me, trying to understand what I was trying to say.
"So..Do you believe that Jesus can heal me?"

I stared at her not wanting her to read my mind but my silence was obvious.
"Don't call this season of your life 'faithless' "she said, "rather call it Faith Building. Everyone has faith, even non christians, they have faith that their car will start every morning, right? But Faith is also a gift, and I believe you need to ask for a measure of faith. Start declaring scripture every day, confess it with your mouth, what does the bible say? Confess and you will be saved? Well, start declaring it. You also have to undersand that it's not about how much faith YOU HAVE, but it's about that mustard seed of faith you have in Jesus."

And that is when I understood. The reason why I was so dissapointed in Faith, was because I was focusing on myself. My mentality was "why do I feel faithless? How come I cannot believe" , when all I really needed to do was to call upon His name and be saved.

My point is that when you start loosing faith is because you are probably focusing too much on yourself. Thats what it all boils down to.

I think America has it all wrong...

2008-11-10T10:19:00.000-08:00

Take two people, From different parts of the world, different culture...different ideas and mentalities. Take those two and marry them. Can it work?

Perhaps not through the world's opinion, but through Christ I believe it can. I had lunch this past friday with a friend of mine who recently got married in April. She was 26 years old when she met her husband and she was 26 years old when she got married. She met him in India (she had gone for christmas vacations) and according to the indian custom, when marriage is a possability, the couple gets together for like 20 min, talks, and there, then and there decide if they want to marry or not. Faith, my friend, told me this: "In India commitment comes before love." In other words, they commit to love one another before they actually even feel love for one another. Is that crazy or what? I think for us it is hard to grasp, at least for me it is, but Faith got married four months after meeting him; they would have gotten married sooner but because she was living here in the U.S she had to come back, prepare her stuff, and go back to India and marry him. They took about six months to get his visa, and now they are living here in huntsville, Tx working in Chi alpha.

OK so here are a few scriptures for what I am about to state:

12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master."

Gensis 24
(so here the servant of Abraham asked for confirmation, notice that it was not isaac, but the servant, there was a pastor who thought that the servant sybolized the Holy Spirit, Abraham God, and isaac representing us.)

As you know the story ended with a happy ending because Rebekah was the the girl the Lord had prepared for Isaac. Notice that Isaac and rebekah had never seen each other before, and both of them completley trusted the Lord. You may say "but you have to look at the context, that's what everybody was doing, it was a normal thing" I agree, it was, and it was different times, different people, and a different age, BUT it was the same God.

Another scipture:
34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

John 13:34, 35

Now, Jesus is not saying "you know...it would make us look really good if we love each other man...i mean i think we can get more people like that." NAH, he said : A NEW COMMAND I GIVE YOU, meaning that it does not matter if you like that person or not, you must love them. Love your enemies right? Isn't that what Jesus said? I don't think many people look at this verse and think about marriage....but to back up my statement I must say this: Commitment comes before love, you are commiting to love that person, meaning that your marriage would be a reflection of Christ, which in return impact others (by this all men will know you are my disciples).

This is my statement:

I believe that American culture has it all upside down. I actually would even dare to consider it fleshy, yes FLESHY for a person to marry someone based on their feelings of "love" towards that person. Words, in my opinion, are nothing witouth commitment. And that, will require self control, self will, and overall the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Please feel free to comment, I would like to know what everyone thinks on this subject.

COMMITMENT BEFORE LOVE? or LOVE BEFORE COMMITMENT?

Midterms

2008-11-03T10:30:00.000-08:00

So we are finally in the middle of the semester. WOW. crazy. Many things have happened but it is too much to say on here. However, i will say that this is my first semester where i work and have school as well. Last week was the most stressful week of the semester, but nevertheless it ended with a grea pleasant weekend. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about how His name should be glorified above every other name. Praise the Lord! I will touch more on this subject later on, but for right now my resquests to the Lord:

1) That my heart break for what breaks Yours
2) That I will know how to handle job, school, family and small group.
3) That You may guide me into your Will. Don't let me go.

Today

2008-10-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

Today it's a brand new day and I am excited. I am thrilled for what the Lord wants to do in our lives....what is christianity all about? Loving one another....yes....but most importantly...loving Jesus. Getting to know the Lord more and more!!! That should be our hearts desire, and if it's true that we have accepted him as savior, then IT WILL be our hearts desire, forevermore! My desire is to get into the river, let's jump and dance and shout with JOY because the King of Kings lives within me. I want to go deeper, but how will we get there? Seek and you will find.

Last day

2008-08-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

Small group dinner

Today will be my last day home. Well, I am pretty sure I will be visiting and coming back, but today is my last day. That means that I have to pack and get all my clothes ready (which fits in one luggage bag; those are all my clothes). Then I have to unpack in huntsville, and then get ready to take four upper level classes. Before I go into my junior year of college I would love to retell of the events that happened this summer....

As soon as I finished the Spring semester I went to Guadalajara on a missions trip. Honestly i did not feel prepared at the time, but im glad i went. It was a time giving and serving and i even got a prophet to speak into my life. The Lord did great things.

Then 220 conference came around, and getting four of my girls to attend was my greatest joy. Jessica's sister got saved, and all of them were in awe of the Lord, and the Lord did great things.

Summer small group became pretty popular after 220. It really helped all the girls grow in fellowship with one another and being devoted to the Lord. Girls came up to me with things that really challenged my leadership, but not in a bad way, praise the Lord. It was good. It was great. I believe that this summer we have developed a hunger for more of God, and if we continue to pursue Him, I believe that we will be able to turn His face towards us. This past thursday we had our last summer small group, it was one of the most amazing expierence i had in a long time. We had dinner, then communion, washing of the feet, and then prayer...It was divine, it was great.

Pslams 126

1 When the LORD brought back the captives to ^[a] Zion,
we were like men who dreamed. ^[b]

2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."

3 The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

4 Restore our fortunes, ^[c] O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.

5 Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.

6 He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.

This whole past year I have sowed in tears....and now the captive ones have returned with joy, meaning I am filled with joy. All I can say is that the Lord has done great for us, and we (me and the small group girls) are filled with joy!! We are ready for more sowing, for more reaping. May the Lord bless this school year. In jesus name, amen.

Experience Must come

2008-08-12T12:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was numb, and today I feel all the pain. And I tell God "please, please take this away from me." He is silent and I know that he knows what I am thinking. He asks me "are you ready to hear the truth? when will you listen?"

I turn away and I cry in my pillow because it is the only way I can relieve the hurt. I have no Elijah to turn to and I want him back. I want an Elijah to be by my side in these times but all i know is that it is my time to be alone.

August 11, of Oswald chambers "my utmost for his highest"

"It is not wrong to depend on Elijah as long as God gives him to you, but remember the time will come when he will have to go; when he stands no more to you as your guide and leader, because God does not intend you should. You say- "I cannot go on without Elijah." God says you must. "

I feel like I am in a battle without a shield, but I know that the opposite is true. The angels are starting to stir with our prayers...ready for the Command of the Almighty and all I know is that this pain is the cost for more of His glory. Experience must come, and it cannot come with Elijah by my side. It is a time to be selfless and to start thinking more about his kingdom, now I am Elisha, and all I can do is hold on to Elijah's cloak and trust the Lord with my prayers....

I wish you were a stranger I could disengage

2008-08-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

I was looking at some comment that an old friend of mine wrote about himself. And as I sat there looking at what he has to say, I realized something. This old friend, I haven't seen him for years, and have not kept in touch, yet i remember everything that happened between me and him. That is why when I see a girl involved in a relationship that does not make each other love God more, i tend to disagree. I look and i remember myself, because even tough there is healing and restoration in Jesus Christ, memory cannot be erased and from now on till you die there is always that mellow feeling in disbelief that says "you used to be a part of my life", And depending on the relationship you can say, "it was a total waste that now I cannot erase". And that is me. And so now i tell young ladies, be careful, and guard your hearts, because the heart can be deceitful (jeremiah 17:9) and in return may provide memories that should have never been there in the first place. May the Lord guard your heart and mind of things that should be kept for your loving husband...=)

"I wish you were a stranger i could disengage"

Remember and...

2008-05-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

Today as I was reading the Holy Word of the Lord and I felt like God was trying to remind me of something. A week ago on our last leadership meeting for XA, Eli talked about how Moses spoke to the Israelites and told them to remember the awesome things the Lord had done for them. I was reading Deuteronomy chapter 32 and the verse caught my attention again:

Remember the days of old;

consider the generations long past.
Ask your father and he will tell you,
your elders, and they will explain to you.

It is really hard for me to feel His presence when I have let my flesh go about for so long...Christianity is not about feelings, but i believe that the Lord makes you go through seasons in which you feel the showers of his presence, and others were faith is all you have. Today i heard Him say : Remember and be grateful.
So then I started remembering all the things of the days of old when he first saved me all the way till this past semester...with my own small group. And I said thank you and thank you all over again because I had forgotten how good he has been to me. In XA we say that the first step away from the Lord is an ungrateful heart.

In colossians 2: 6-7 it says:

6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

So if you feel like you are not close to the Lord..perhaps you have not had a grateful heart. And the first step to reconcile is to remember, repent and be grateful. The days of old shows all his mercy and love for us.....

A rebuke for men, as well as Women.

2008-03-07T01:17:00.000-08:00

I will be talking on the basis of being a gentlemen for men, and on the subject of letting ourselves be served, ladies.

The only cause of conflict in the world is selfishness. Think about it, Eve , when she committed sin was being selfish because she wanted to be better than God. She wanted to be like God. Hence, world hunger, prostitution, global warming is because someone along the line decided to be selfish. We make our own criminals, we decide that lust is better than having a settled home and we treat this earth as if it will remain the same forever.
So guess what? Besides sin/ selfishness entering through one man, the main cause why men are not aware of their role, and women are not aware of how they should be treated, is because of broken homes and apathetic relationships between parents and their children.

Let me speak to the men first. Men, you are the head of the household and whatever happens to the head will affect the body, which is his family. Men, you are not to be apathetic in your relationships with women; you are to be the example and provider of your future or present family.
Just because you are single does not mean that you are not to practice your “gentle-manhood” in your present stage in life. I believe that as a young man you are responsible to every woman in your life.
Now going back to the 'home'; this is where Satan mainly attacks. This is because if he can destroy children, then he can destroy the future generation. I heard a story once about a man who told his daughter she was not allowed to date until she was 16 years old. When the daughter came to be 16, her father told her, “I know you are now 16 and you are going to want to go on a date, but may I be your first date?” The daughter smiled and said, “of course dad.”

On that special night the father dressed up nicely and went up and knocked on his daughter's door; he did not want any other punk honking at his daughter to get out of her house. The daughter opened the door and her father greeted her asking for her mother (which was also his wife ). He introduced himself and told his daughter's mother the place where they were going to be at and at what time they were expected to be back. The mother consented to the 'date; and both father and daughter went ahead to enjoy the first date. In the car a rose was waiting for her and they preceded to have a great time at a fancy restaurant. Then he brought her home and walked her all the way to the door and hence completed the task he was hoping for.

The reason I say this story is because this man wanted to make sure that his daughter knew how to be treated. He wanted her to set a high standard for herself. The man later on said that his daughter had many first dates, but not many second dates....

Men are so passive now a days... what happened to men who are willing to love their wives as Jesus loves the church? One of the most pathetic things i have seen in my life is when a woman opens the door for a male who goes right through it without appreciation, or without holding the door himself. I think that is PATHETIC. Men...you are initiators, not followers.

Now ladies...
I sympathize with you when out of “humility” you tell a guy “it's ok; you don't have to do that.” when they are trying to help you in any form or fashion.
Just two days ago a female professor on my campus tripped on the floor hallway and was hurt, but not anything serious. One of my fellow classmates saw when she fell down and asked “do you need help?” she was sitting on the floor trying to remain still in order to feel well again. My fellow classmate who is a man, went to help her and with complete “humility” she said “That's fine I can stand up now.” She proceeded then to get up.
Now....ladies, you might think this is being humble but in reality you are being proud and selfish. You are not letting this generation of young men rise up to the plate and take the roll of being leaders and protectors.
In john 13:8 Jesus wants to set the example that he came to serve and not to be served. He went on to wash his disciples feet and when he turns to Peter, Peter replies “NO, YOU SHALL NEVER WASH MY FEET”. Peter thought he was being humble, he thought in his mind that he was not "worthy". but Jesus replies, “unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” Peter did not want Jesus to wash his feet because he knew he, himself wouldn't be willing to do that. So ladies....stop being prideful, and let yourself be served.

The point of this writing is simply to rebuke both men and women to stop being selfish and accept the responsibility of leading and serving.
Men, be initiators and serve the women in your life. Women, take that prideful “humility” of your back and allow the men in your life to serve you.

Be still... once again

2008-02-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I have written something, and I must admit I am ashamed. However, I do want to write about something important, about what the Lord has been telling me lately.
I have come to the Lord over and over again this past month, not understanding a few things about my life and wondering if my decisions were the best.
What I have learned is that the Lord doesn't get tired of confirming things until He makes sure we 'little ones' understand it. What am I talking about?
Well in other words...
The Lord has been telling me to "be still" for a couple of months now and I thought it was because of a certain situation, but to my surprise the Lord keeps telling me to "be still", and I am wondering...why does He keep on repeating himself?

Jesus would tell his disciples over and over again about his Crucifixion and how the "son of man" will be crucified and raised on the third day. The disciples never seemed to get it. It seemed as if Jesus had to keep on repeating himself in order for them to "get it". Well they finally "got it" until it actually happened.
I find myself in a similar situations as the disciples....He keeps on telling me to "be still" yet I don't think I will know exactly what I need to be still for until He reveals it to me. I just know that in my heart I have been dealing with many things and I ask the Lord, "Can you please take this burden away from me? What am I suppose to do with this?" And He just tells me , "BE STILL". So I will not take acion, for better nor for worse; if He is telling me to be still then there must be a reason behind all of it. The Scripture that has impacted me the most lately is when Moses was leading the Israelites out of Egypt and all of a sudden the Egyptians come after them and the people start to doubt...and then Moses says:

13 Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Exodus 14:13-14

Remember the burden in my heart? Well I believe that is what the Lord is talking to me about, He is saying, "Michel, don't be afraid, stand firm and you will see the deliverance that I will bring to you today, That burden....you WILL NEVER see again....I will fight for you, you need only to Be Still"
And so with my jaw dropped I realize that all this time I needed only to shutup and stop worrying, and the promise that He has made...about not seeing that Burden again....has me so at peace. And let me tell you.....I feel delivered. =)
May the Peace that surpasses all understanding be with you....

I am A Peter

2007-12-20T14:21:00.001-08:00

I am A Peter.
I say no to you washing my feet.
I would never do such a thing.
I do not expect that from you.
It's okay. It's fine; just get away.

I am A Peter.
I have a veiled Pride.
I think it's humility,
But is far much more than that.
It is a silence pride.

Let me serve you
I say no.
Let me wash your feet.
I say get away, I will not let you
You say, submit.
I say , I can never do such a thing.
I am a Peter.

Do we have a veiled pride? John 13: 6-8

I am

2007-11-26T22:49:00.000-08:00

I am mest up. I don't understand. I am mestup.

A Word

2007-11-06T14:46:00.000-08:00

Today at 1:15 a woman was interceding for many girls and i was one of them. The lord gave me a word...and this is what he says to me:

Wait on the lord for I am right beside you. When we are not patient bitterness can set in and it will overflow.

I am the lord of lords, the prince of peace, father to the fatherless. My home is the most precious home. I have prepared a place for you. Be still; know that I am God. My timing is perfect. I am God who sits on the throne; my hand is outstretched to you. take a hold of it and I will walk with you. I will not lead you astray but will guide your every move. I am the vessel and my cup is full and overflowing with new wine to extend to you .

I am your guidance, your protector and your leader. I am not surprised by anything for I see everything. I am only amused by the good in people and then moved by praises. Praise me at all times in the good and in the bad and I will be moved to stretch forth my hand to guide you along the perfect path.

You cannot do it on your own; only I can direct your steps and guide you into my perfect will and plan for you. I am your consolation and guide.

Stand firm, you are on solid ground. Take hold of the masters hand; I am in complete control and have not left you.
I know what I am doing; I have not forgotten
My plans for you have always been "yes" and "amen" .
You're not alone nor will you ever be. For I am your source. Take peace and know that I am God.

Be still; I will rescue you.

So what is wrong? And what is right?

2007-11-01T15:27:00.000-07:00

"Rules Without Relationship Leads To Rebellion"

I have observed how believers think something is wrong, like listening to secular music, or going to a club; how, or why have Christians come to the conclusion that such things are not good, therefore wrong? I have come to meet many Christians who think that certain things don't really matter, like social drinking. Some Christians think hat it's ok as long as you don't abuse it; and i have met others who don't take a sip of alcohol because "It may lead to other things". So who is right? and who is wrong? Honestly...i don't know; however, i have two answers: Lordship and John 17.
Let me explain--
Lordship: When you have Jesus as the integration point (anything that your life revolves around of) of your life, then you will want to do everything according to His will, am i right? The bible says in Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me". We are dead to ourselves and alive for Him. In other words He is Lord of your life and He is your integration point.
So what does this have to do with whether going to the clubs is wrong or not you say? Well it has everything to do with it. If as a Christian you truly have a real relationship with Christ you will not be guided by rules but by spiritual rules that can only be understood if you have a relationship with Him, because otherwise how are we to know what offends the Lord or not? Someone once said that we as Christians view life as Jesus being on top of the Pole and our other important things in life go down the pole according to their importance in our life (ex. family, b/f, friends). Christians think that Jesus has to be on top of the pole, he is #1, however, what Lordship truly means is that Jesus IS the pole, and every other priority REVOLVES around the pole= Jesus. So how do we know if what we are doing is right or wrong? Well may very well ask ourselves this question, "is what i am doing revolving around Him?"

John 17: This is a prayer chapter. In this chapter Jesus was praying before he was crucified for his disciples. My second answer is found in this chapter. John 17:20,21 says,
"My Prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be ONE, father, just as you are in me and I am in you."

My Second answer is fairly easy...many people claim to be Christians but in truth they don't "walk the talk". My second answer is being one with the body of Christ. Our convictions (as believers) will be the same as another if our hearts are truly aligned with the Lord. If we are dead to ourselves and alive for Jesus, then we are one (in unity) with the rest of His bride (here on earth). I find it truly amazing that in this chapter Jesus was thinking about me. He said "for those who will believe" meaning us ,now at this present age as well! If Jesus is truly the Lord of my life then my convictions will be similar to another person who has Jesus as their integration point. So what is wrong? And what is right? I would say, Is this something revolved around Jesus? How about , is it something that is consistent with the Church (His bride)? Are we being "one" with other believers when we do whatever we are questioning about? If Your heart is truly aligned with Him, these questions should be fairly easy to answer.

Enslaved

2007-10-28T11:20:00.000-07:00

She told me her hair was long and that she did not wear any jewelry because of her parent's religion. She started telling me that her parents would get mad at her because she believed different. I told her what she believed me and that is when she started to expose herself, it was a dangerous position for her, even though we were talking in English. She said that she does believe in a creator but that she did not believe in Jesus. To understand a little bit of her background, she started telling me that Jesus seemed like a distant God and that he seemed to hate everyone who did not follow "the rules". Then i asked her what are the things they are suppose to follow...and then she started to list them: No jewelry, no make-up, no pants only skirts, you cannot cut your hair...and many more that i cannot remember. She started telling me that she didn't think God created for us to suffer, and I nodded my head in agreement. I felt sad when I was talking to her because she seemed enslaved in her own household. She told me that her parents would tell her that God will punish her for thinking like that, for thinking so freely. She kept on telling me that she didn't think God created for us to be unhappy; He wanted us to be happy. I started telling her about how "rules without relationship leads to rebellion", and she agreed with me. Then I asked her if i could tell her my story of how i came to believe in Jesus, and she agreed to listen to me. So i told her a little bit of my story and i told her that Jesus/God really loves her...she didn't seem to buy it but it was okay with me because I did not want her to draw away from me. Then i proceeded to ask her if she had an e-mail or something to contact her and she agreed to give me her e-mail. Afterwards she told me that she needed someone to talk to, and i told her I was glad to be e-mailing her. I felt sad after i talked to her...how can she see the Jesus that I have known? How will she know the love that He gives and wants her to have? There is just so much that a human can do...the only thing we have is our actions. What can we portray through them? I ask for those who are believers to pray for the ensalved and those who have religion but no relationship. I assure you that is a sad place to be, we must all strive to seek our Creator, because then we will have words, but no motivation and no unity or love. It is such a sad place to be.

Life is but a mere Page in the Histories

2007-10-24T20:11:00.000-07:00

Life is but a mere page in the Histories, and by the Histories i mean the book of life. The only book that will still remain after death consumes the physical body. Will my name be in the Histories? The book that writes down every single motion, thought, and breath i have taken? So my life is but a mere page in that book that holds in each page the life of everyone who has ever breathed since creation. Perhaps as an individual i can change what is presently being written about me; perhaps my page will have a good ending. However, that is just up to me. Will i be considerate enough to make the book of life the greatest story ever told? Or should i just believe in Jesus and do nothing for His kingdom. When the story is read, will my page be the part in which everyone covers and turns their head because of shame, or will it be the page that everyone cheers and claps praising the Lord God Almighty because that page was full of victory with every letter written. My life...a mere page...ha! I shall decorate it with victories and prayers and beautiful tounges lifting the Holy One! It will be such a page that when satan hears he will tremble at such defeat and will cry aloud for the torment to stop. That page of life will be full of passionate love, spiritual warfare, and perseverance. As my page is being written right now, i pray that every believer realizes the impact that their lives will hold on such a page! I pray for the race of every believer, that such race will not be finished until that page turns into a great ending and prepares the way of yet another page. With this in mind i end this letter. That all who confess that Jesus Is lord realizes that they are accountable for every word written in the Book of life. Let us make the Histories the greatest true story ever told. Let us be the greatest page of victory, love , and worship to the one who is worthy of all praise.

Revelation 20:12
And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books.

2007-09-23T17:37:00.000-07:00

I hope to speak to mature christians. Or at least people who understand that there must be something more than what the present life holds. I am sick , not physically but spiritual sick of this "american christianity". Why don't we see God moving in our lives? Why is it that third world countries are seeing much more of God than we are? How can they be willing to die for this Jesus Christ who seems so distant from America?? I believe it's because of a lack of belief in the being that drew us close to the Lord in the beginning of our christian walk: the Holy Spirit. "oh yea that guy" many of us say and sometimes are even afraid of him getting too close to us! How this frustrates me so! When the Lord gave the israelites the ten commandments he came in a form of a cloud, the bible said he descended on top of Mount Sinai to talk with Moses. When the people saw the thunder and the lightning coming from mount Sinai, they told moses in verse exodus 20:19 :"They stayed at a distance and said to moses ,"Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die." And when i read this i could not help but think at all of those who fear getting closer to God because of his Holy Spirit. Moses continued to say that it was a test so that they might fear the Lord and not sin anymore, but what i see here is that God could have spoken to them Himself, but they felt they would die! wow! I mean this could be taken two different ways, 1) they had godly fear and knew their limits, they knew they had to be right with God, or 2) they were too scared to get to the point where Moses was. They didn't want to get where Moses was...they wanted to seat in their pew chairs and listen to a sermon and go home and forget that they have a God who wants to get to know them better but they ignore Him. Yea that's right. Sometimes we allow our pastors, or spiritual leaders to be our "moses". We say..."oh no, let God speak to the pastor, but don't get close to me because i will surely die." That's right you will! You will have no choice but to acknowledge his Spirit and DIE daily! (1 corinthians 15:31). Can you tell I'm angry? However, i don't believe this is a sinful anger. I am not saying to the church to just focus on spiritual gifts, because what good does it do if it's not out of love? I am not encouraging to just focus on the spiritual gifts what i am saying is that american christianity has put God in a box where we don't believe anything more than that of Jesus Christ coming to die for us. Yes, that is salvation, but His Spirit is the one who draws conviction and gives us boldness to preach to others!!! So when i hear a fellow christian laugh or just say " ehh i dunno about that" when it comes to spiritual gifts i get angry because i am thinking.." How little is my God? Is His arm too short?"(numbers 11:23). So there is people getting raised from the dead and people getting killed because of Jesus name and who does that? If we know it is not by our own power then why must we deny the power of the Spirt with our own uncaring hearts? I think many do not realize that their own unbelief is what prevents the glory of God to move in their lives...because if only we had a generation that stepped up and believed, how different will american Christianity be? And you might begin to argue with me and say, "oh but michel the most important thing is Gods love" and bla blah blah..and i'm responding to you saying, "Get on your knees and pray to the Lord to forgive our callous hearts. And PRAY that we may be sensible to his Spirit. And pray that His Spirit pours out upon you SO THAT YOU MAY NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. So that you may never think you are in control. And SO that YOU may do wonderous and glorious things through his Holy spirit to benefit his kingdom!!! Because even Jesus said,

"John 14:12
I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father"

I don't know about you but i hold on to this promise...i have faith in Jesus, and if he says we are going to do greater things than i want some of that! I want the power of God to come down to america and shake us all because i know that i won't be satisfied knowing that God wants to give me more. Can any christian say amen?

I do not understand, yet i will Yield

2007-09-19T23:23:00.000-07:00

The Lord said, "Let us make man in our own image, in our own likeness"
Image: Not referring to physical characteristics, rather abilities. Gods ability to feel anger, love, etc.
Likeness: This refers to character.
Over here we see that God made Adam and even in his own image and likeness. However, likeness is not mentioned again, only 'image' is. This is because God did not choose to create mans' character. Adam and eve were made in his image, they were able to hear, feel, speak, but even though they were fully grown they still had to grow in their character. Hence, they had the capability of becoming in the likeness of God but were not created right away with it.

I think it's the same thing with christians. We are made in his image, but yet we have to strive everyday to reach that godly character that Jesus Christ has called us to have. Because of this simple purpose in our lives (striving to have Jesus' character) the Lord points out anything that does not align with truth. He sees the hearts of men and know what is inside of each of us. in Pslams 139:23-24 David tells the Lord to "point out anything that offends you, lead me along the path of everlasting". Sometimes the Lord will mess with our spirit, and convict us of things that we would never think was something that would 'offend' God. This sunday night i heard Eli Stuart speak aboutu six basic rights we had as humans beings; they were:
1)acceptance- everyone wants to be accepted by their peers
2)Accomplishments; purpose-everyone wants to know they have a purpose in this life. The
feeling of fullfilment.
3)provision: i didn't get this one, but i think it has to do with starving
4)possesions: Our materialistic things. (mine)
5)Safety: we want to feel safe
6)security: we want things in our life to be secure.

So he explained that when any of our 'rights' are challenged we suddenly respond with either
1-anger
2-greed
3-worry

So this made me realize a lot of things that had been happening this past weekend. I had been feeling angry, and had gotten to the point of worry because my "rights" were being challenged. And I asked the Lord...what is in my heart? And how can i change what is in it? What doesn't belong there Lord? And he responded "Yield your rights to me". So that night i decided to stop worrying, complaining or whatever i was doing and leaving it all to him who knows all things
"trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" is what i felt God was telling me. He was pointing out some things i needed to give up , some rights that were not giving me peace . And instead of leaning on my own understanding i asked, "God what do you want in my life? I want to go where you are blessing; i don't want to ask you to bless what i am doing! I want obedience in my life; instant obedience. I want to be a faithful servant to Jesus Chirst where my rights are completed in him!" And with that I end this whole speech and say that sometimes we don't like when God points out to us anything that needs to be changed in our hearts. Sometimes He points out to a "right", and he messes with us and we respond with anger, worry or greed....but hear the Lord saying today, "Yield your rights to me, and lean not on our own understanding". He sees the bigger picture, and everytime we give our all to him, we grow in character and slowly walk towards our purpose, which is to strive for Christ's character in our lives. Amen.

Currently chasing a Thousand

2007-09-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

"One man of you shall chase a thousand....and two put ten thousand to flight."
- Josh.23:10; Deut. 32:30. "30

i head heard this before but i could never found it together in the bible; it was only until a few weeks ago that i realized that people brought both scriptures together.
I was thinking today in the morning of the future. There are many dreams, goals that i want to achieve. Like, finishing school, getting my english degree and teach some day. And i have dreams like going to jordan on a missions trip for one year...as an english teacher. That is where my heart is. Those are things that i know can happen, if i really wanted them to happen and if the Lord provided. However, situations on whom you are going to marry is never really answered. Until you get there. I heard once in a preaching to get a verse for anything and everything you want in life. He gave us the example of a future spouse and it was then that i realized that i wanted a verse that will represent my future relationship. And the scripture above is what i came up with. "one man you shall chase a thousand..." I alone, with the grace of Christ can chase a thousand (metaphorically speaking) however, with another....i can reach ten thousand!! And that is my vision...alone i can do these things already, but i would greatly want my future relationship to make a major difference in this world. Where I am strong, he is weak, and where i am weak he is Strong. And the two of us would put ten thousand to flight....that is my hearts desire.

Chapter 1 of my oh so famous book.

2007-08-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

He took us out on a bus ride. Ericka, my little sister who is barely four year ols does not understand what he is saying. I understand because I am twelve. My dad talks to me all through the bus ride; he talks to me because he has something important to say. When we get off the bus we start walking and he starts to talk. He says, "Michel, I don't love your mother anymore. We don't love each other anymore; we are just friends. So i have been thinking that it's best to get a divorce". For some reason I don't believe him. My mom loves him; i know he is lying to me. Yea sure, they always seemed to fight but divorce was never an anwer to them. Maybe because my dad is a pastor, so divorce to my mom is a sin. She would never allow it. My mom tells me that one day my dad will come around and God will use him even more than He is doing already. I don't believer that either. I think he's never going to change. Then he tells me something to prove is; he says he loves another woman. her name is linda and she has a husband. She is also christian. He continues, "Linda and her husband are just friends like me and your mom. They will soon divorce too." I stay quiet. He makes me promise i won't say anything to my mom and i agree becayse she will never leave him anyway, so what is the use? Linda is just like the other women; she will soon be out of the picture.

Only Hope

2007-08-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

School has not even started yet and i am already making mistakes as a small group leader. I ask myself...how will i be able to do this? And i hear the Lord replying..."well that's just it, you cannot do it yourself, trust me!"
And i believe that as humans it is so hard to trust in the Holy Spirit. We start to think, well what if i don't like this? what is going to happen? will i ever gather enough people? or a soul? I have learned a few things and all i can say is that i will try to let the Holy Spirit guide me. I think we are stubborn and get in the Holy Spirit's way. We need to relax and fill our life with prayer.
There are currently so many things going on in the spiritual realm. Many things back in Houston, and many things here. How can I keep up with such things? I fear falling into a pit where no one can get me out of my own stuborness, but i hope that such is not the case. I say I hope, because hope is really powerful. I can only Hope that such events will get better.

Open Up The sky

2007-08-05T22:35:00.000-07:00

Our beloved father please come down and meet us
we are waiting for your touch
Open up the heavens shower down your presence
we respond to your great love

We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary
we won't be satisfied at all

Open up the sky
fall down like rain
we don't want blessings
we want you
open up the sky
fall down like fire
we don't want anything but you

Our beloved Jesus
we just want to see you
In the glory of your light
earthly things don't matter
They just fade and shatter
When we're touched by love divine

Here we go let's go to the throne
The place that we belong
right into his arms

Oppression and Fear came last night

2007-07-31T08:55:00.000-07:00

I was falling asleep. My room is the living room, so i was all alone while the rest of my family was in the bedroom...the reason is i can barely sleep comfortable in the room, so i choose to stay in the living room. But last night was different...I had a dream....but then again...not really.

In my dream I was with Ericka and Melany and i was driving my car. I was thinking to myself "These streets are too dark...this is not hammerly...where are we?" I was trying to figure out where we where and trying not to panic so my sisters wouldn't either. I forgot to mention it was night and it was a little hard to see. I squinted my eyes and then this sudden Fear overcame me. I grabbed on tightly to the wheel and then i felt something on my neck. I felt someone trying to choke me. It was oppression. I let go of the wheel and i was trying to breathe, i knew it was a spirit trying to choke me. I was trying to say "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus" but i knew that i could barely talk much less say that whole sentence. So while i was struggling to get those invisible hands off my neck i was trying to say at least, "Jesus". While I was struggling i woke up and i took a big breath and instantly felt the hands off me. I am not sure if this was just a dream or if there was actually a spirit of oppression trying to choke me. But the thing is that i was relieved to be awake and i started rebuking and covering my household in the blood of Jesus.

I tried going back to sleep but i could sense a presence of Fear in the room and so i went with my mother...thinking that with her the spirit will leave. I was wrong.

I was sleeping with my sisters now and I was trying to go to sleep but every time i would take a breath into sleep i could feel myself getting short of breath. This thing wouldn't let me go to sleep. When i moved to the room i had told my mom about the dream, so she told me to stay there and she went back to sleep. But meanwhile i couldn't fall asleep, i was feeling oppression and i was thinking of that people who probably sent me this with their words and thoughts.
My mom had gone to sleep again, but i did not have peace, i was feeling oppressed and had fear. Then i woke up my mom..."Mom, pray for me please...please"

So I am lying there in my bed and my mother starts to pray over me. I start sobbing, crying and praying in the Spirit. My mom rebuked fear, and she mentioned oppression, and when she said that word i said "Yes! Oppression". So she prayed for oppression and sadness to leave and for peace to come to my heart. it didn't last long...in fact it was probably less than five minutes when my mother finished rebuking. I laid there sobbing and feeling a peace from the Lord....and finally...after a few minutes Fear Left, and the Oppression of breathing left...and so I slept.

Fear was there because it wanted to scare me....but Oppression was the one who put its hands on me. While i was going through this last night i couldn't help but to think that this Spirit was sent not to scare me, rather, to put this heavy burden on me. This burden where i cannot breathe freely, a burden that can come from God's own family...how ridiculous.

OPPRESSION: 4.the feeling of being heavily burdened, mentally or physically, by troubles, adverse conditions, anxiety, etc.

Off...again. Third time.

2007-07-23T22:44:00.000-07:00

This is my third time going to bethany....let's see what the Lord awaits for me now. I cannot wait to see the changes in the lives of today's generation.

My Story

2007-07-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

I'm reading this book called "Just walk across the Room"by Bill Hybels. I have learned so much...
He was talking about how we all have our own stories, and that unfortunately a lot of the stories out there that believers use to share the gospel are not the most intriguing. He gives out 4 criticisms that Christians tend to fall in when sharing their personal testimonies. ( this will be short summaries, if you want to read more...check at the book! or buy it! it's worth it)

#1: Long-Windedness
They are way to long and keep the listener bored.

#2: Fuzzines
Long stories that are incoherent. They include supernatural stories; and he also suggests not to include those in your own personal story...they confuse those who do not know christ even more!

#3: Religionese: Talking in a language based on scripture when the person you are talking to is probably confused and not understanding.

#4: Superiority: When people just start sharing their stories without even knowing if the person they are "evangelizing" is even Christian...they are just talking when they do not even know the name of the person.

After these 4 points i realized that i did not even know how to share my own "story". I started asking myself....when did I really meet Jesus? How can i really share my story if i do not even know if i met Jesus when i was 12 or just a year ago? You see...when I was 12 I accepted Christ in my heart.. I sure knew his voice and all, but i was a baby Christian, and did not really grow for five years. It was not until I moved to another church that i began to experience His Grace and love for me...and hence that is when i really started to get to know Him better. So i was struggling with the fact that i really did not know how to tell my story...but after Bill Hybels introdcued the "before and after pattern" i realized that i had my story all along...i just needed to think of what really happened to me when i met Jesus. So here is my short story of why Jesus is so important for me:

I used to be this selfish person, that would only think of herself. I used to think life was unfair and I got to a point in my life where I hated my own dad. I used to keep things from my mom, thinking that she wouldn't understand....but Then I met Jesus. The friendship with my mom was restored, i started thinking about other people and their troubles, i began to see life in a new perspective,and He set me free of a hatred that was keeping me bitter.

Wedding Dress

2007-07-03T21:50:00.001-07:00

very controversial because of one word...but i like it.

if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for

and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want

(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood

(chorus)

because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife

-Derek Webb

Weakness=Strenght

2007-07-02T23:32:00.000-07:00

Christ:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"

Paul:

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I AM STRONG. "

mormons

2007-06-28T19:21:00.000-07:00

I am really sleepy, but i will attempt to describe what i want to say today. This lack of sleep is not helping me anymore...so i had to change my sleeping routine and decided to go for self-discipline. So today i had only about three hours of sleep and i am trying to go to sleep the latest...12pm. Anyway, the purpose of this blog is not to talk about my boring lack of self-discipline, but rather, to talk about a thought i had today in my life.

I was getting out of my apartments (on my way to buy a pizza for my girls), and i saw a car full of white males with a white dressing shirt and a tie. Yea, you guessed it, they were Mormons. I looked at them and in an instant i began to recall all the times a Mormon will pass by me and say 'hi'; very politely. So then i started asking myself, why is it so hard for Christians to be nice and say a simple hello? I mean, are we intimidated?

It will always happen in a setting like checking my mail. I would be there opening up that little grey box and one of them walked by (maybe with their bicycle) and would so kindly express their kindness. I think i even sometimes remember not wanting to respond to them, and maybe felt some sort of negative feelings, and wanted to walk away. So today i meditated while I was on my way to buy the pizza. I think it is so sad that christians are labeled as hypocrites when we are suppose to be the "light of this world". And I told myself...Mormons are showing love, and people respond to that. They greet you no matter what your response is, and if they see you again, they still say hi. They keep on smiling while you're thinking in your head...oh man when are they going to stop being nice?! lol....I really haven't thought that...but today I learned that we as Christians need to get our act together. It is only with love that a person allows you into their heart, and it is only through love that Christ inhabits in all relationships.

Deathbed

2007-06-28T10:28:00.001-07:00

These past few days that i did not have internet i took the time to write. Beside other personal problems i was going through a time of great sadness, and these two days are just a glimpse of what i went through that week.

June 21

I visited a deathbed two days ago; it was Sandra, the last manager of Aspenwood apartments. I never really talked to her, but I knew that everyone hated the way she treated the staff. She was someone that everyone did not feel encouraged to see, except for my mom. For some reason my mother always seemed to find favor in Sandra’s eyes. In fact, Sandra helped my mom a lot when she really needed to work extra hours in the guardhouse (to make money for rent). But now Sandra is in a deathbed, and soon she will be no more.

Sandra had cancer for many years, she started out with breast cancer but soon it spread to her lungs and right now she has it everywhere…there is no part of her body that is not affected by it. I went with my mom to go visit the Sandra I did not know. I hadn’t seen her since Melany’s birthday party, and already then I did not recognize her. She was really swollen back then, mostly because of the cancer. So when I went to Sandra’s room and saw her lying in a hospital bed with a nurse sitting in a desk in front of her (writing stuff down in a sheet of paper) I started to cry. I felt the presence of sickness and I knew at once that everyone in that room with her was thinking that she was going to die soon. The doctor only gave her three more days to live, was what my mother told me before we went to see her. Sandra used to be so alive and beautiful and now she was this woman who was so swollen you could barely recognize who she once used to be. I sat in the bed next to her hospital bed and I put my hand over her knee. Sandra often coughed and grunted. She was in a comma, sometimes she would open her eyes and talk, and other times she would just grunt with her eyes closed. I started praying for her, asking for healing, but somehow I did not feel that healing was what God wanted for her that night. My mom had gone to pray for her before, asking for healing but the Lord remained silent. I felt as if Sandra was like a sister to me that night. She seemed like someone close to me, like a sister to my mom, maybe that would make her my aunt. But Sandra wasn’t anything of me, she had no link that could make us family, yet I felt for her so much. Pretty soon we had to leave and I was already going down the stairs when I told my mom that I was going to go back. I went to ask for Michelle, Sandra’s eldest. Michelle is about sixteen years old. Somehow that Kid always got my attention; she was always someone that I knew had great potential for a future friend. I went back inside and found her at her room looking at her cell phone. The lights were out and I knew she was hurting, even if I could not see her face.

Hey michelle

She got up and I extended my arms and she hugged me back. I hugged her so tight and I started sobbing along with her. I started talking between my sobs and I told her that I understood her pain (that now, I don’t know why I said that…maybe it was the Spirit talking). I told her I loved her and that I know I did not know her that well but I loved her because God has called us to love everyone. Then I started talking so much I did not even know what I was saying.

The Lord says that this is only a test. That this will only make you stronger and that this has to happen for his will to be done.

She nodded and she just kept on hugging me. I cried some more and I told her that whatever she needed that I will be there for her and that I will be there all summer for her. That was such a sad day….i think that is why I am still feeling depressed. I quote King Solomon, “everything in life is meaningless”.

June 22

Today I was informed that Sandra died last night. How life is fragile…she is no more. This reminds me of when Andrew died, he was a junior in high school and I was a freshman. I remember that day so clearly because I could not believe he died. He was so healthy, so young and then boom one day he is gone. And now Sandra…we were already expecting it, but now she is no more, and now she is dead. I haven’t gone to see Michelle but I really need to see her, I want to comfort her in these times of trouble. I cannot imagine loosing my mother; she is the most precious thing in this world for me. Loosing her would be a nightmare…I cannot imagine how Michelle feels, to see that her mom cannot speak anymore. I would be in denial. I hate death, and I am so glad that Christ has conquered it. He is life; He is life! Sandra may not be in this world no more, but I know she has stepped into the boundaries of the supernatural. Where is Christ when death oppresses us? He is there…just waiting for the right time, for the perfect time to come back for the rest of us….

Sanrda I am going to take care of your daughter. It’s going to be my task, you hear me? I will lead her to Truth.

Cancer is a vicious thing…kills so slowly. I wonder what makes a heart stop beating? 22…21…20… beats per minute and then STOP. She is dead. I cannot comprehend death. I cannot understand where we go after that and how. The Lord only knows, and I am okay with that.

My Happy Father's day.

2007-06-14T10:30:00.001-07:00

I got cable today.

I really do not watch tv, but some cable channels are pretty interesting. I starting flipping the channels and stopped at channel 39. Some old cartoon of the Looney Tunes started rolling and i started to remember my childhood.

I don't remember how old I was but i was watching cartoons one day and my dad sat right beside me to watch them with me. I think we were watching 'Tom and Jerry' and he just started laughing. Tom and Jerry were my favorite; they never talked, yet they were able to make me laugh so hard. So I asked my dad, "You like cartoons papi?" And he just turned to me and laughed and simply replied "Yes, of course i do! I will never stop watching them." I remember being glad that my dad was not a grumpy old man and knew how to live life, because back then cartoons were the 'life'. My dad used to buy me a whole collection of videos with "little lulu", "tweety", "Bugs bunny", and so much more...and he used to buy me little race cars. He also bought me a "little mermaid" coloring book one day, which later i found out that it wasn't a coloring book but you had to use a brush with water to color it in.

And he would buy me books, or he would let me read his. And i remember one time at this church where he went to preach he went to where I was playing with the kids and he asked me, "Michel, do you want to feel the Holy Spirit?" I really did not know what he was trying to do but I said yes because anything that my dad thought was good, i would think it was good too. So he led me to the front of the altar where there was another little boy my age, and he was crying really hard. And they put me and him in the middle and there were about five adults all around us praying for us, so that we may "receive" the Holy Spirit. I think they were disappointed when they saw that I could only cry and not do what the other little boy was doing. So they stopped praying over me and i just remember leaving there confused. But my dad was always there, and he would explain it to me later.

I was 14 years old when i received one of his last gifts to me. He gave me two books; i think that is why i value them so much. He knew at the moment that i was going out with my first boyfriend and he wanted me to know everything there was about dating and what the opposite sex were thinking. I remember that day we were eating at this taqueria and he told me that he did not want me to be in a relationship where I was trying to find a father's love. I looked at him and laughed because by no means did i think of my current boyfriend as a father. But he was serious and he told me that he knows that i wasn't with him and that i could easily fall in that situation, where i would want someone older to protect me. He was right. Three months later i broke up with my boyfriend because i realized that i really did not like him, i only had liked him because he was older, and i felt sense of security with him. A security that only a father could give. That last gift of my father helped me so much in my other relationships, and i thank my dad that he was able to open my eyes a little more.

So now i am here writing this, realizing that my dad did do good things in my life. He introduced me to cartoons (which i will never stop watching), my spiritual walk, and was able to protect me from falling into sin...even though it was only through two books. He has made many mistakes...mistakes in which i thought i hated him, and wanted him out of my life forever. But now, i think i am a little more open to the fact that everyone can make mistakes...and everyone is short of His glory...

I'm going to go watch cartoons now...see y'all lata...

To Dwell, or not to Dwell?

2007-06-11T15:43:00.001-07:00

I think us humans like to dwell in situations. Especially us girls; even though they offer us a solution, we do not want to take it because we like the pain and we like to feel sad. When I dwell I stop eating and just have two meals per day and maybe one bottle of water. However, I can go to the other extreme and start eating all sorts of sweets and just cry my eyes out while I am eating a tres leches cake. I probably even start talking to myself and wave my fork in the air and start to ask “Why? Why is this happening?” I think sometimes girls can get a little looney in how they dwell with things. We forget that we have other people living with us and actually care and wants to see us get better. We forget about everyone and concentrate on the situation that is consuming our lives.

I was sitting outside of a high school office one time and started reading a poster that was in front of me. It talked about attitude; any conflict was only 10% and the way we reacted to it was 90%. I think the poster was secretly insinuating that 90% of what was wrong with the world was our attitudes. I believe it is true. Another time I heard a person say (maybe he got it out of a poster as well) that we should concentrate on the 95% good tings that happen in our day, and that the other bad 5% shouldn’t ruin it. I thought about that…how sometimes people fall asleep crying because they dwelled in the 5% that happened that day and slowly but surely managed the bad to rise up to 50%.

Our attitude can either bring death or life to a situation, or even a person. How we deal with conflicts, how we deal with situations all depend on our attitudes. Ladies and gentlemen, will we choose to be selfish with our attitudes? Or can we actually motivate ourselves to be unselfish and actually think about the other person’s day and how they are handling their 5%?

I hope next time we want to dwell in a situation, or want to make a rude remark, we should check our attitudes and dwell better yet in the 90%, along with our brothers and sisters.

The race

2007-06-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

Guatemala was good because it made me realize many things. First, i got the rest i needed even if i was sick, but i got a good rest. My mind had too much time to think and i reflected upon my life. what have I done for you God? My thoughts turned into thinking of giving up on pursuing my purpose...i felt so tired of "my race". I wanted to sit down and let others catch up to win instead of me. So I found a place to stop from my running, and i observed all the racers who were trying to reach that precious goal in the end: Eternal life in Jesus Christ. As I was sitting there, feeling like I wanted to stay behind, feeling tired of all the obstacles of this hard race called life.

So I rested from my purpose,and i sat back and relaxed doing nothing. I realized that i was the saddest person in existence. I had given up on my race...(well at least in my thought life) and it felt good at first...being away from my purpose and just enjoying "life". But pretty soon i started to long the running....the perseverance...the tests that He makes me go through...So i cried and repented and asked the Lord if he would let me finish the race. I told him how much i missed it and how i longed to fulfill my purpose, that it was a mistake to think that I wanted to quit. And he looked at me and smiled and said "welcome back".

As soon as i came back to Houston i was ready to see all the other racers and just love the church. When i came back is when i realized that I am called to do just that... to love people and tell others about Christ...to finish this hard race called life.

Through our sufferings

2007-05-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

I was supposedly suffering through a path that someone forced me to take. I felt lonely, sad, and rejected. However, in the end I came to a basement where a divine appointment occurred. There was a girl who so hungry for the Lord that she admitted to wanting Christ her her heart. That is when i realized (in the dream) what the Lord had done. He had permitted all my suffering in order to meet her. In order for her to be saved. I have to admit that when I gave her my testimony and prayed with her, my hope for life was restored. So today, when I was reading romans i came across this verse, which i had read before...
"not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:3-5

"Consider it pure Joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance, perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
james 1:2-4
and another verse, Hebrew 10:38

I am not sure hwat the Lord has in store for me, but one thing i know...is that whatever ny suffering.....He always has a purpose.

My girls ex-boyfriend

2007-05-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

I gotta admit, this song made me smile.

When he was seeing her you could see he had his doubts
And now he's missing her because he knows he's missing out
And now it's haunting him with memories like a ghost
And he's so terrified cause no one else even comes close
He's the guy that you should feel sorry for

He had the world but he thought that he wanted moreI
owe it all to the mistake he made back then
I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend

So then along comes me- this undeserving mess
Who would believe my life would be so blessed
Two years ago when you left all that debris
Who would have known it would leave everything I need

He's the guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world, but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake he made back thenI owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend
If it wasn't for him I would still be searching
If it wasn't for him I wouldn't know my best friend
If it wasn't for him you would be able to see
That if it wasn't for him, he'd be as happy as me

When she and I settled down you can bet
That he is gonna have to settle for less
He's someone I would hate to be,I got the girl and he's left with just the memory
He's the guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake he made back thenI owe it all to my girls ex-boyfriendIf it wasn't for him I would still be searchingIf it wasn't for him
I wouldn't know my best friendIf it wasn't for him you would be able to see
That if it wasn't for him, he'd be as happy as me

Proverbs 26

2007-04-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

I was reading my bible yesterday and came across this verse...

18 Like a madman shooting

firebrands or deadly arrows

19 is a man who deceives his neighbor
and says, "I was only joking!"

Wow! I was pretty astonished, and surprised. It says it so clear, no doubt about it. Are we doing something wrong when we lie and then say " I was just joking, chill out."? Well, according to this verse, you are a deceiver, ouch! So what do you think this means? Why is it that we lie, our friends get mad, and to cover up for it we say, " I was just kidding...gosh, you're overreacting." I believe that there are certain people whom you can joke with, but whenever that person gets hurt, or simply mad, and then we cover it up with a "i was just kidding"; well, i don't think it should be that way. I thought this was pretty interesting....message me if you'd like to discuss it.

our selfish being

2007-04-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

Sin is like a poison, entering through your moth but eventually leading to the heart. What happens when this venom enters the heart's chambers? Perhaps, it is then that the heart becomes "hard"; hence, Israel when they turned away from the Lord.
The reason the world is as it is, is because of selfishness. I challenge you to study and observe the world. You will find that most of its problems started out of a group or an individual that did not want to submit to authority (the Lord's) and was a selfish being. How can I successfully emphasize the importance of this matter? I wish I could open the eyes of those who cannot seem to comprehend, but who am I to do that?

I must admit that I have caught myself being selfish and I accept that it is ugly. It is the most horrid thing I have ever seen; it is the deadliest venom that runs through a human vein's. And we all know that this all leads to the heart.

We wonder, why is there global warming?
Why is there divorce?
Why do sisters and brothers treat each other so?
It is because of selfishness.
We do not care for earth, even though our task is to care for it. (Genesis 2:15) Things such as divorces, hatred, and the fatherless; oh yes, this is all selfishness.

I have become aware of such things lately, especially in my attitude. I can cry all I want, be mad all I want, but in the end the Lord is saying, "And you call yourself my disciple? You claim to have my love?" I am not trying to portrays God who is cruel and unmerciful. He understands we are humans, but he knows that selfishness leads to a hard heart.

Thinking for the highest good of God and his kingdom is what love is. We have to think about the highest good of God? Yes, indeed, to move his kingdom forward. What many do not understand is that selfishness sometimes can make our brother stumble, and hence becomes the world as it is today.

Three waves

2007-04-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

The first wave came with a moderate force, but did not make me fall.
It was like a sting from a bee; it hurt but it did not kill me.
The second wave came tumbling down with an inmense force,
it was the deceiving one.
I was not prepared to stand through it and it brought me down to the floor.

He was laying there, with no one to help
The second wave had stole his strenght
His tears cried out in vain
there was no true help

I was crying for a soul
Just one rigtheous soul
And finally I saw a woman with an encouraing heart

The woman was there to help him
Yet, she quickly turned away
And betrayed him one last time
Despite the hurt, there was still yet strenght within him

And then I saw the third wave
Much more furious than the other ones
It was determined to destroy, to kill
I lay there patiently, waiting for my death

The third wave covered his body completely
Not caring a bit for his life
His cry was a silent one,
for the waves had drowned him slowly

Patience

2007-04-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

It does not take "brains" to be selfish. God has called us to be smart and unselfish....smart because we are to educate ourselves in the gospel, unselfish because of love. However, we all manage to be unselfish to easily. Why is that? It is because it does not take a smart man to be selfish, but it takes all the strenght of a smart man to be unselfish.

This is something that Daniel Savala taught us this week. Me and Brenda where the only girls joined with Todd jackson's small group. I can honestly say that I would not trade that evening for anything in the world. How the Lord moved! Besides that, how much spirit of Love was there! There were some who had never met Daniel Savala (incuding me), yet it was as if we already knew each other for a long time. The fellowship that we had that night was amazing. It reminds me of ephesians 2:19

"19Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household,"

We were the family of God united that evening. Afterwards, we met Brenda's parents and with the Holy Sprit moving, the Lord touched Brenda's father to fill up all the three cars! How can I explain this joy?? The joy of the Lord....there is this inmense strenght within me to do the right thing, yet our selfishness drives it away. Must we be inpatient? No...all the contrary, we may fall and fall, but our biggest weapon against the enemy is patience. Paitene for oneself, for us to go to the next step.....that is what satan fears most: patience (daniel savala). I learned that evening that sometimes pridefullness can get the best of me. Besides knowledge and what the Lord has given me, I am nothing. I am like every other person, and there is still so much more to go. So much more santification to go through. I challenge all the saints to pray for patience,for the patience that will produce holiness.....

Exposing her.

2007-03-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

It was a house full of Darkness. Everything around it was green pastures and a promising Sun, but this house was the exception. From the window I could see the old man staring outside, wondering if he could ever go outside. Slowly he removed himself from the screen of the window and never returned. I knew she was in there, so I decided to get closer.

I looked from the door and all I could see was darkness. The house seemed erie and full of evil. I knew she was in there, so I had to get her out. Out of the corner of my eye I began to see the beautiful little girl. She was standing in the corner of a wooden table; I could tell she had been observing me. She smiled at me and with her eyes invited me to come in. I knew I couldn't go in; I wanted to get her out of there! She kept on running and playing inside the House, as if mocking me because she was not going to get out of there. I was furious, I wanted her out!

Her dress was pearly white, whith white tights and curly golden hair. She was really beautiful, but her eyes told otherwise. I wanted to open the screen door only to get her out and reveal her to the light, but she knew what was going to happen to her if she went out; she knew more than me. All I knew was that I needed to get her out. So I opened the screen door letting the sunlight penetrate the dark House. She screamed, she wanted me to go away, she probably wanted me to close the door. Yet she was still mocking me and running around laughing. I started praying, praying in another langauge, I figured God would hear me like that.

There was a moment in which I grabbed the corner of her golden hair and finally caught her. She started screaming and trying to escape from my grip. Her legs were stomping on the floor trying to get away from the sunlight. When I had complete dominance I started praying even harder and started rebuking her. I grabbed her towards the patio...dragging her towards the light were there was no shadow of darkness.
As my hand kept on dragging her arm around the patio, her screams started fading and her skin started burning. First it was her arms, then her legs and pretty soon she was not the little beautiful girl that had once been in the House. When I had finished praying, all that was left of her was her head. She had been decomposed, burned by the sun, and turned into some monster. But she had been defeated. I stood there with my hand holding what was left of her....and that was the end of my dream.

I had this dream when I was taking a nap in the afternoon. The night before I had only slept for three hours because of homework for my english class, but later on that day I finally had another dream. I can only relate this to our sin. The little girl was obviously the sin of every person, she seems beautiful in darkness, she seems unharmful, but when we expose out sin to the light, she becomes this horrid thing. However, at the same time, when we expose our sin, we are not tempted anymore to hide it, it runs away quickly.

Here are a few scriptures describing what I think my dream is saying.

Jhn 3:19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it-john 1:5
1Th 5:5 Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.

The Grip of Satan

2007-03-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

I am supposed to be doing homework, or going to sleep. But I cannot sleep withouth writing it down. Latley I have been talking to my mother about spiritual subjects. Slowly, I am getting to the point in which I am trusting her with the desires of my heart. Today I asked a simple question which led to a discussion. I asked, "Mom would you support me if Iwent into full time ministry?" She stayed quiet only for a second, and then she replied, "If it is a calling then what can I do?" Then for some reason we started talking about marriage. It led to my father once again. She told me that she could remember the first time she spoke in tounges and how my dad interpreted. She could remember how she had the translation for the tounges, but how she had so much Fear of the Lord that she was too intimidated to speak. She said my father helped her develop that part of her gift. As I heard her say all these things I was amazed of how much I did not know about their past. I realized that all this time I had been thinking that my parent's marriage was a mistake. That it should have never happened....oh but how wrong I was! It was God's will, and it was for his glory that my parent's marriage was working for. Unfortunatley, satan intervened, and was able to destroy what it once had been fruitful for the Lord. What really pierced my soul was when she told me, "Michel, that is what makes me sad. That now I cannot go back and do all those things that I used to do with your father."

I don't know why, but when she said that I understood her completley. I understood what she had lost, and I understood why it is so hard for her to let go. Because it was a ministry. It was a ministry that had been destroyed by satan. I told her that my desire was to have that kind of ministry...that I know it would be hard, but that I desire that with all my heart. I feel sad for my mother, because the grip of evil was able to destroy the anointing that my father had. She lost her guidance, or her spiritual guidance from him. She saw how he became a pathetic slave to sin, how his life went from being in Spiritual Authority to being entangled with death.

I think there is nothing more fulfilling than seeing people get saved, or coming back to the Lord. That is what I want my life to be about. And I pray....that whomever will lead me in marriage, will be strong in the Lord. That his pride might not make him fall, that satan's grip cannot get a hold of him. In the name of Jesus, I pray, amen.

willing?

2007-03-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

I started crying because he was not there anymore. Ironic because a year ago I wanted him out of my life forever. And now, i'm asking myself, where is he? Where has he been all this time? Does he love us? Ericka told me that her best graudation gift would be that of my dad coming to see her. I didn't know she felt that way. How can we heal a broken heart? Why was it hurt in the first place? Because of father who was unselfish? I believe that is what it all comes down to: selfishness. I still have hope for this generation, despite the fact that there has been an increase in divorces and abuses. If the true christians that are out there are willing to play an unselfish role, I believe we can change the evironment around us. Are you willing? I am willing. I am willing to be a faithful wife, a loving mother, an obedient daughter of God, a caring sister. Are you willing to be an unselfish mother? How about a responsable father? It starts with prayer....if you feel like you're not willing, I think it's best to start preparing for our beautiful roles with significant prayer. I'm not talking about being ready, just being willing.

Mark 14:38
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Temptation being passivity, laziness, unwilling, or just being a selfish being.

Mi carga

2007-03-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

Era un martes en la mañana, estaba caminando para la clase de liderazgo y cantando alegremente. Cantaba, "el gozo viene en la mañana, el gozo viene en la mañana!" De repente senti el Espiritu que estaba en mi, y me gozaba mientras los demas se me quedaban mirando. A cada quien que me encontraba con una sonrisa lo saludaba. Casi llegando a la clase de repente senti que mi mochila cayo. Se habia roto. Me rei del asunto, esto era muy poquito para quitarme el gozo. Me sente y empezamos a esuchar a un muchacho hablar de evangelizar. Pero lo que no me esperaba fue que me diera una gran carga sus palabras. El nos dijo, "quiero que algun dia nadamas se senteran en un lugar y vieran a la gente pasar. Miren sus caras y preguntense, estan contentos? se miran alegres? Miren a las docenas de eternidades que tienen en sus manos."

La verdad no se porque empeze a llorar. La clase ya habia terminado y yo me quede ahi sentada llorando con un gran sentimiento! Hace unos dias yo le habia preguntado el Señor que me diera un inmenso amor, una imensa carga para los que no conocen de Dios. Ese martes en la mañana no pude controlar los sollosos y las lagrimas que corrian en amor. Estaba llena de amor por ellos! Aunque no los conociera...sentia en mi corazon una carga profunda. Y ahi en silencio empeze a interceder. Cada lengua, cada palabra, era con un amor puro....

Donde esta nuestra carga?? Pidele a Jesus, y el te lo dara...

Favors

2007-03-19T14:58:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you think you don't have friends that will do the favor, but if you are willing to create fellowship with them, you'd be surprised how much they are willing to help.

Today I was having a personal dilemma. I had to go to bank of america personally to widthraw money from my account because I did not have my debit card. My dilemma was that I was not going to have time to go before they closed, or at least before the tellers left. It was after noon already and I did not know where the Bank was or how I was going to get there. I had lab in an hour, how could I go and come back in less than an hour? And then having to study for a quiz in lab? ayayay! I went to the Sam center and thought to myself, maybe Dr. Strauss could help...if only she could give me a ride to the bank...I had an appointment with her anyway, but to my misfortune she was with a student at the time. I was getting nervous and then I talked to Ms. ferguson, she was willing to help me, she figured out what time the bank closed and everything. She told me it was at a walking distance, but I did not see how I was able to go and come back in less than an hour. I needed a friend with a car, and Dr. Strauss was busy. Then Ms. Ferguson asked me a question, "Don't you have any friends that are willing to help you? with a car?" I shook my head, my only options were Sophie and veronica (friends from small group) and veronica was in a class; Sophie was at work. I was stuck. I grabbed my cell phone and starting going down those seventy people that I had stored in my cell at one point or another. I had so many friends, so many options, but somehow I knew they were busy. And then I saw a name that I had not tought of. I called my friend and asked him for the favor, he said he did not have a class and that he was willing. I could not believe it, I was so happy! I ran to his dorm room and he gave me a ride to the bank, and to my surprise it was REALLY at a walking distance from campus. I felt kinda stupid and I apologized to my friend and told him that i did not know it was this close. He assured me that it was ok and that whenever I needed anything or a simple ride to Wal Mart to not hesitate. I was amazed, I felt relieved because I was able to solve my problem and with joy because of the kindness of my friend. (so thanks Doug, you're an awesome friend!)
The point of this story is to talk about favors and fellowship. I've been hearing this from God latley: Love people. Love the Lost. Love your brothers and sisters. I cannot emphasize on how much I have received love from people who are not even that close to me. And it surprises me because of their actions and the willigness they have to do that specific favor. I thank the Lord for all the friends who have been giving me rides and providing me with neccesary things. I cannot even name them because they are so many! So that is when my questions come...what am I doing for the kingdom of God? Who am I loving? What am I doing to love my fellow brothers and sisters?? Next time someone asks me for a favor, how will I respond? With kindess or excuses? Love creates Fellowship, and fellowship is something that will last eternally....how beautiful is that?? So do unto others as you want them to do unto you. (Something like that). Thanks everybody for being a good friend and showing true kindess!

A conversation that happened between me and God today:

me: God, did you know that I love you?
God: Really?
me: Yes I do! Very much!
God: Then show me

Don't get this conversation wrong; He was not doubting my love, rather, he was in a way commanding me to show His love.

i want more

2007-03-06T13:48:00.000-08:00

I am off to Louisiana...I cannot wait. Wait, yes i can, but i am really excited!! Perhaps, even scared, because of all the conviction that there might be, but nevertheless i am determined to get something from this trip. I need something else, i know there is more....

I pray that the Lord will give me the strenght and conviction to acheive these personal goals that i wrote down. I pray for renewal, refreshness....i don't know. I just know that I want more.

forgiveness

2007-03-01T08:27:00.000-08:00

There was onviously some resentment going on in my heart, and well, maybe there is still some. Forgiveness is something that is "easily said than done." I still remember the day when I had to forgive my dad. I had to suppress all that pridefullness and be the one who sent the first e-mail. I told him I forgaved him, as well as asking for forgiveness. When you forgive someone, you do not really think about the damage that you did to them as well. When they ask you for forgiveness, you should also ask for their forgiveness, because it takes "two to tango". Do you get it? It takes two persons or plus to make a problem. It is not just at the fault of one, many times we try to blame it on just one person. "this person was the cause of this!! Why did he/she do that?" Yes, we can judge all we want...oh yes. I'm not gonna lie; I like doing that. I am flesh, am I not? Yet, let us not be selfish to never accept the other person's apology, as well as let us not be a hypocrit by saying "I forgive you", when in reality you still feel remorse.

15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew

This is scary. I think sometimes we like to be the judge of the world. And we like to say, "if only the whole world will think like I do, everything would be less dramatic, less problematic". Yea, what we do not realize is that we are usually the ones who overreact, or is not willing to submit to the Lord. If we don't forgive....God will not forgive me??? That's harsh. That just goes to show you how much our selfishness takes a hold of us.

Many times my flesh gets a hold of me. It takes real humility to lay down our lives before the Chirst, it takes the Cross to get us back into righteousness. Not forgiving is definitely a stumbling block to holiness. How can we see our brother/sister suffering of true repentance, and yet be so prideful that we cannot submit ourselves to the Lord and forgive? How selfish is that???? It happens too many times....too many times....
My dad replied to that message last year. He did not ask for forgivness. It really hurt, but at least I know that I forgave, and that I asked before it was too late. After two e-mails he stopped replying. He never contacted me again. I really do not know where he's at right now, for all I know he might be dead. I still love him, I loved him enough to let him know that I forgave him before it was too late.

HERE I GO....GUATE!

2007-02-22T21:48:00.000-08:00

I called my "mamita" yesterday. I call her mamita but in reality she is my grandmother. Her birthday was the 21st of febuary; I had not talked to mamita in such a long time. She almost made me cry during our talk. We talked about Papito (yes, my grandpa) and how he is really sick. I said, "Mamita, that is why i'm going to go to Guatemala this summer. Because if I don't go this year, who knows when I will be able to go again." She seemed very happy that I was going, after all I haven't been to Gaute for three years. Then she let me talk to papito. He said that he was feeling ill, that it did not look good. I felt helpless, what could I do? I told him him that I loved him and then I talked to mamita again. This time she started talking about how much of a good daugher I was. How my mother is always speaking well about me. Then she told me," aqui estamos orando por vos." I quickly said, "Thank you! Thank you for praying for me mamita." I know that she prays, I don't know what it is about old people, but I know enough to know that they can really pray.

The reason why I wanted to cry at hearing mamita speak that way about me, it's because barely last year all my family had a different mentality of me. Everytime I would call, or try talking to them, they seemed indifferent. They seemed as if they knew something about me that was not pleasant to them. I would hear rumors of mamita saying of how much I made my mom suffer, and how sorry she felt for her. I remember one time, a few months ago, I talked to mamita for the first time in months. She offended me, she did not know it, but she was offending me with her words. I remembered I cried that day...feeling betrayed by my own family.

But yesterday my mamita confirmed what my mother had been telling me for the past weeks. It is almost as if God has been using them to pour out love in my heart. After I called them , my mother called mamita, and mamita told her how much she had enjoyed talking to me.

I made a promise to mamita dn now I can't back out.
I'm going to Guate in early june...

Fellowship

2007-02-20T21:30:00.000-08:00

Ok , so what is Christian fellowship all about? Could it be that as christians, we have gotten so used to it, that we take it for granted? I remember my old church...how they used to have different thoughts on certain issues. (that now, i don't agree with them). What is true community? I'm going to call my old church "the shack". ( I don't know; that's the first thing that came to mind). It seems as if I have so much resentment towards the shack, but why? Well I think it's because I never knew what a true christian meant; I never expierenced what fellowship was all about. In the "shack" they let me do whatever I wanted. Even once, the pastor argued with my mother to let me have a relationship with an eighteen year old! (at the time I was 14) What was he thinking? I ask myself, where was the love? Why did my "sisters" and "brothers" at the Shack didn't stop me? Even my dance leader, why didn't she reach out and exhort me? Why didn't she "stop me in my tracks"? These are all questions of resentment, all questions that I hate to be reminded of. At the time I probably would not have listened, but it would have been my own rebellion and my own fault that led me to those ungodly relationships. I am not trying to blame it all on them, but now that I know what true fellowship is about, I am enraged. It is not just that specific church, but all who claim to have the "love of Christ".

I first came to IBDR(iglesia bautista del redentor) like a year and a half ago. I really did not know what to expect, I was probably thinking that it was going to be the same kind of relationships as the ones in the Shack, but I was definitley wrong. At first it seemed that everyone took Jesus seriously, much more seriously than my old church. Now I laugh, because if I would have known how much IBDR was going to grow in a matter of months, my jaw would have dropped. However, I can honestly say that it first started with one person. It just took one person to reach out to me and invite me to church. It just took one person to give me a ride to church. It just took one person to keep on asking. That first person was a girl named Bonnie. She was a senior in high school with me, and I greatly appreciate what she did for me that day. So I kept on going to church, even though at first it was hard to fit in....it was a bit different, but not entirley. What just took me by surprise though, was the fact of how serious the youth was, and how serious they were about God. Maybe that is when I started being more serious about Him ( I had been serious before, but not like this year). And then I met Barb; actually I had met her already but did not know it until i saw her again. So after those few months of going, I started developing a friendship with her as well as all the youth. It was as if God had planned it all. I had left my church because of spiritual hunger, and I came to find my "food" at IBDR. It is sad to say that I had been a "baby christian" all along. For five years I had been one, and I thought I was a major christian. My mentality was a prideful one; a selfish one. I did not know the meaning of Love until I came to IBDR. However, I did not realize the importance of fellowship until I met Sophia. Actually, I did not realize how much poeple needed love, until I met Sophia (or until i came to Chi alpha). She was like a waterfall of love! It was just weird at first, but I easily got attached to her, and started following her footsteps. I think sometimes I imitate her too much, but for me, she has been like my teacher and someone that the Lord put in my path to guide me. (She def. gives out the love that Jesus represents, so in reality I am only imitating the one and only Jesus Christ!)

I learned that a fellowship cannot exist withouth Christ. He is the founder, he IS love. How can there be fellowship withouth the head? I truly believe that people today need to be filled with Love, the love that only the Spirit can give. We, as humans, it's our nature to be selfish. But only through the Spirit can we love as Christ does. Community is needed for accountability, to build strong friendships, for consolation....it is a miracle that happens every day in a christians life, yet we take it for granted. So today, I thank the Lord for fellowship. I thank Him for the people he has put in my life, for the people who has given me love, for Jesus Christ who came and died for us so that we may have eternal life. So that we many have ETERNAL fellowship.

"Thanks, for doing me the favor."

2007-02-10T12:02:00.000-08:00

Her name was Jillian; she was sitting next to the guy who I was witnessing to. I did not know her, in fact I did not even know she existed. I just knew that the guy was arguing with me about God, and how he was a mean God, and so many other things. I talked to him, trying to comprehend him, and think about the best possible way to relate salvation. While I was talking to this person, I asked him, "Well what about Jesus? What do you think of His story? What do you think of what he did for you?" To my suprise, he started crying. I smiled, because it is at conviction that a person draw nears the Lord, and not at condemnation. So while he was sobbing I put my hand on his head and started praying for him. I started speaking in tounges, and in my mind I started to think, "man this is what Anointing is all about! Who knew he was going to cry when I said the name of Jesus?" I was feeling so joyful until I started feeling what it seemed like little kicks all around my body. I started shaking, and it was not the kind of shaking I normally get when one is filled with the Spirit, instead, it was something I could not understand. My hand was still on top of the guys head and I realized his head was shaking.

Next thing I knew, the guy who I was witnessing to faced his head towards me and started laughing. He started laughing straight at my face. I did not know what to think, but as he continued laughing I knew what had happened. Somehow, before I had asked him to pray with me about Jesus coming into his life, he had been possesed by a demon. The only thing I did was to put my hand in his direction and screamed, "In the name of Jesus, I cast you out of this body!" The guy who was jumping around laughing stopped to look at me, and started laughing again. "hahahahhahhhahhahhahahhahhahah". It was a malicious laugh, and I knew I could not cast it out. Why? Because in my dream I knew that I was not prepared for this demon. I had not fasted, and I had not been praying. I started panicking, and all of a sudden the girl whom I did not know existed, appeared right in front of me. She gave me a smirk. I was confused, I did know who she was until she started fighting with me. She was the demon who had entered the guys body. I could not say the name of Jesus, I knew that withouth prayer I had already failed. I could only fight with her with my physical body. Everytime I punched her, that part of her body dissappeared, but it would come back again with strenght.

I do not know when I escaped from her attack, but after that i found myslef in a rooom watching TV with my sisters. I felt my cell phone vibrate and when I went to see who it was, the name was Jillian. I was not sure if this was the same demon girl who had been trying to fight me, but I had the feeling. I answered unsure, "...Hello?" "Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for doing me the favor." And then Cick.

I knew I was in danger, I grabbed my sister but then that is when I woke up. I was scared when I woke up; I was confused. I did not know what it meant. In all my other dreams I had never given up saying the name Jesus, but in this one I knew that as much as I said it, I was not going to be able to cast it out. Why? Why did she say thanks? What favor had I done for a demon?

That's when it hit me. Because of my lack of prayer, and commitment to the Lord, another soul had been lost. Jullian was thanking me for giving her another soul.

The Importance Of Method as a Small Group Leader

2007-02-08T08:26:00.000-08:00

Perhaps the best way to be effective as a small group leader should be to look at the greatest example who ever lived: Jesus.
He started out with SELECTION.
He picked people to diciple, he prayed for them, and ended up choosing twelve normal men. Twelve men who were saying, "I will leave everything to follow you." Maybe a simple acronym that a leader could easily remember when searching for diciples could for them to be FAT.
F: Faithful
A: Available
T: Teachable
2 Timothy 2:2
"2And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others."

The second thing that Jesus did was the method of ASSOCIATION.
Jesus did not have a simple "Bible study" once a week so that his "Followers" can learn more about the scripture. Rather, he was an example to them. He showed them how to live life by sharing his with them. He ate, drank, and prayed with them. Jesus was part of his diciples everyday life.

The third thing we must practice as leaders is CONSECRATION.
Consecration means to be set apart. For us, it should be to be set apart for Jesus. (to be holy, and devoted to Him) Not many will be willing to consecrate all of theirselves to the Lord. A good example will be of that rich man who wanted to follow Jesus, but when Jesus told him to sell all his possesions and give them to the poor, he became saddened. He was not willing to follow. Every person's life has an Integration Point. To the most of the world, their intergration point is themselves. We are selfish beings who want everything to revolve around us. However, when we become followers of Christ, our intergration point becomes Christ. This happens when we are being consecrated to Jesus. So seek diciples that will be willing to follow and sacrifice the self for the Christ.

It is not enough to teach and live the example for disciples. Indeed, it takes much more motivation than that. Our fourth method would be that of IMPARTATION.
This fourth method is talking about knowing what love is, how to love, and finally do you consider yourself a loving person?

What is love?
God is love, we are called to "love our neighbor" but are we really doing it?
Love is
Active- Should always be something that flows from the Spirit
Diplayed- love through actions...
Selfless-loving others as you love yourself
"Love is a decision rather than just an emotion"
Love is holy.
Impartation: are you willing to give yourself to your disciples? I highly believe that love is a sacrifice that one must make a "decison" to follow it. If emotions are the first thing that comes to mind...then we have started out wrong. Love is a decision.

How do we love?
1 john 3:16-18 says,
16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

1) If you want your diciples to be your friends, then make them a priority. Give them your time and importance. It should be noticable that friendship has become established once your weekly shedule reflects your time with them.
2)Give them transperancy and Vulnerability. You should be confident to be yourself among your friends, as well as being vurnerable to whatever secrecy you have entrusted them with. Like when Jesus said,
John 13:35
"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
It is by love that people around us should be able to diffintierate between believers and nonbelievers.
I strongly believe that in love there must be some sort of affection. One should not be afraid to hug, smile , ect at your brother/sister in Christ. It is by this, that we should be known!

so after we have discussed this, should we be able to say that we are a loving person?

The definition of Love for Chi Alpha is:
"Love is unselfishly choosing for the highest good of another; God and his kingdom."

Finally, Leaders demand sacrifice. Time sacrifice. We studied the normal week of a christian leader and we came to the conclusion that at least twenty-four hours is spent on the Word, being with your disciples, and preparing for a lesson.
However, in the end there will be a transgenerational dicipleship that could start with you. J
esus also gave his diciples work, here are four steps in the way that a trangenerational dicipleship works:
1) First you do it, and she/he watches
2) Then you do it and he/she helps
3)He /she does it and you help
4) He /she does it, and you watch.
Amazing isn't? Imagine if in a small group of 4-6 people, there will be one who will stand up and and do what it takes to be an effective christian leader, then in his/her small group , there is one more...and then he has one...and so on.....beautiful ! This is not just one guy doing all the work, it should be a community in which the leader needs the diciples and the disciples need each other to conitnue doing the work that Jesus once first said about 2000 years ago...

These were notes from "Discipleship by Design"- Harvey Herman.

A snake bit me

2007-02-04T11:19:00.000-08:00

I was again in my bed, haha, how ironic. The first time I woke up from my bed in my dreams, it was Jesus that was praying next to me. But now a snake awaited my awakening. I was in the bed ready to get up, and when I did my right foot went first and then I felt a sting. It was not a sting in where you hurt yourself, or a situation where you know what could have happened; this was different. I screamed and I grabbed my right foot, collpasing again on the bed. And when I turned to look the way where the sting had come from I was shocked. There stood a beautiful snake. It was not a normal snake, that's for sure. His colors were a dark blue with florucent green and light blue petals around his face. For me, it looked more like a dragon, but I knew well enough that it was some sort of unfamiliar snake. I started to cry because I thought my life was about to end. I could see the snake's two teeth marks punctured on my ankle. My first thought was that of venom running through my vains.

Almost immediatley someone came In the room. I cannot remember exactly who she was, but I do remember that she was looking for me. Appearantly, she had hear my cry. "What happened?! are you ok?" I showed her my ankle and explained to her what had happened, and then she shook her head and opened her mouth to say the words that would bring confusement in my mind, "Two bad things have already happened to you! This is the third...Michel, I think you are under attack by satan."

The dream ended there....I woke up and did not think much of it. I did find its meaning warning, like one of a future warning. I had that dream about a week ago, and in that week so many things have happened. There are not events that a person would be shocked to hear, but it is more of a spiritual war that has been going on within me. My first test was Tempation, then my second was like a battle with myslef, and my third was an overwheling feeling of stress. I keep on saying, " I have too many things on my plate right now...i am so stressed." What I did not notice was how much i had been ignoring God. Ever since that dream, I had not been praying, or reading my bible, or aknowleding him every day by myself. I was worhsipping, and i knew he was there but I was not covering myself everyday with his Word, sword...whatever you want to call it.

Yesterday evening I prayed and I poured out my heart to the Lord. I needed peace in my heart; I needed an assurance that only the Lord can give. I ended up sleeping very late talking to God. I thought I was done, tought I had the peace that I needed, but today in the morning when I went to church with Sophia I could not handle it. I started to cry even more, and this time it was not just because the presence of the Lord was there, but rather, it was a cry out of my soul. I needed to cry and let all the things that were hiding in my heart to go out. I was crying with sentiment and remorse. I needed to lay all my life down to him again, and I needed to call out His name. And so I whispered his name over and over again, letting tear after tear roll down my cheeks until finally I had peace in my heart. The preacher talked about the 'unsinkable ship'. He said just because Jesus seems like he does not see you, or talk to you, or seems as if he has his eyes closed, does not mean he has left you alone. That he is in the same boat you are in. That he allows tempations, and tests for us to get a wake up call in order to get back on our knees....and I believe that is what I needed to hear this morning. It was a nice welcome back from God.

38Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
39He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
41They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"
mark 4

comments

2007-01-30T08:42:00.001-08:00

guys, if you wanna leave a comment, i changed the setting so that you don't have to make an account in order to commment. Lova ya'll!

jealous kind...

2007-01-29T14:57:00.000-08:00

Jars Of Clay - Jealous Kind LyricsI

built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends

You know I've been unfaithfulLovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealouskind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind

Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than to be broken by a lover
I don't understand'Cause
I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride

that last part is my favorite qoute of the whole song...If only, If only we can sumbit ourselves to His grace and betray our own hearts. Betray our "feelings". Those feelings that just lie to us. That just makes us feel good at the moment, but later on we regret....Those 100 lovers are out of my heart when i submit myself to Jesus...his jealous love. I love you Jesus.

This weekend.

2007-01-28T20:20:00.000-08:00

Thanks Sammy, I really appreciate your comment. This weekend was a good weekend for God. For me, it was a weekend of service, but for others it was a weekend to receive. This might be my last blog for a pretty long time; I need to study for future exams. eww. Anyway, it all started on friday. I really did not know what the "plan" was, but I was excited to be with my e219 Family. My friend came over with her boyfriend and his brother, and I can honestly say that God is beggining to move something in their lives. They may not know what it is now...but later they will. I have faith. I want to brag about e219 real quick....Guys, you have no idea how much ya'll have grown. That friday night as I was walking back upstairs with my friend Mayra, I saw the most beautiful thing that could ever exist in this life. I saw how brothers in Christ cared for one another. I saw Victor in the middle, with Geo, enrique, esbin, and many others who were all in a circle praying to God! I saw hands lifted up....and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry out of Joy! Man, i thought, I can't wait to see what God has in store for the future. I wanted to say that i am so proud, and to encourage ya'll to be the difference in this messed up world. I love you all! I really do!!! I want to say that if I were studying in Houston, I would be putting all my effort to serving ya'll. But Chi Alpha has become a vision in which i find God starting to move in it...and all I can say Is that as soon as the Lord brings me back...If he does...I will serve 100%. I love you all! Pray for revival! Pray for this world to come on their knees and have a revelation of the cross.
-Michy

Just simple Life

2007-01-24T16:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I started my day off worshipping the Lord. The rest of the day was beautiful. But today, today I woke up really late, and the rest of the day just seemed off. I was still listening to His voice, but it is so much better to wake up so early, enjoy the day at its fullest, and for the Lord to be the first thing in your mind. How beauitful! The Lord has been talking to me A LOT about santification...For some reason, i have been thinking about deleting my myspace....not because i have something against myspace, but because i know that it is getting in my way. Latley, i really have not been too much on it, but i remember when I used to be in it all the time. I don't like that, If I want to talk to a person, or something, i think e-mail or a phone call might be best. Myspace is so overated now...I don't want to be like the rest of the World. Aren't we called to be different? So I'm thinking about it , and in the future perhaps people will be checking this in order to read my bloggings. Anyway, i'm writting this now because i know nobody checks this blogger, but it certainly does help me to write down my personal toughts, rather than a preaching on a blog. Well, I love writting them, but sometimes I just want to write on what i am going through at the time. Besides that, life has been great, the Lord has been speaking so much into my life. I do not know what is coming next, but I do sense that He is near, and that i will grow even more in Him. I love you Jesus!
-michy

hey, what about me?

2007-01-19T22:16:00.000-08:00

What is it about a newborn that we, as long term christians, do not longer have? Where does that passion that we had when we first fell in love with the savior go? When a person accepts Jesus in their hearts, they gain this peace. They receive the Holy Spirit, but are not yet empowered by him. Some could be, but that is besides the point. Why is it that we, who have been so long in Christ have lost that fire that we once had when we first came to Him?I attended SALT this winter break. I saw many people receving, and being baptized by the Holy Spirit. But at the time, I just stood there and watched. I could not help but think, " I already have This. I have already expierenced this." I had been blessed by the Holy Spirit, and God has had mercy upon me, and I was still able to feel his presence. So when I looked back at the many people who so joyfully received God's beautiful empowerment I asked myself, "What is going on here? God, I want more! Give me more! Let me prophecy...Or something, But I just want more from You!" And for some reason the Holy Spirit reminded me of 1 Corinthians 13"1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing."So I was trying to understand what He was trying to tell me. Was it that I did not have any love? Later on that day, I was reading my bible and came accross Luke 15. ( a chapter that I had previously skipped on purpose)Luke 15 gives three stories of how much rejoice God gets over one sinner than a "righteous" person who has no need to repent. So he says in the parable of the Lost Sheep:"7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."So then I started thinking, Ok, so how will the Lord rejoice in me, if i have already repented? And at that moment, I realized how important it was to the Lord for us to be humbled each day. I kept on reading, and then this stood out:17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer WORTHY to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men."So when he finally did see his father, which is in the next verse, he said again:So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. 21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer WORTHY to be called your son.[b]' As I read, I asked myself, why would God have allowed for that sentence (I am not longer worthy) to be mentioned twice in this chapter? I believe He wants to describe grace. Yes, the grace that the father bestows upon the sinner when they truly repent and come to Christ. Obviously, the son in this parable was very sorry for what he had done, he realized that he needed to humble himself and declare, "I am not worthy". So what does a newborn christian have that mature christians tend to forget about? I believe is the fact that they embrace grace. That they humble themselves and say "I am not worthy" How many of us have forgotten the father's grace? Sometimes we get too high up in the clouds, we get too proud, and we become selfish. I can see now why I was not rejoicing with others at SALT , seeing that they were truly being blessed.first)I had forgotten how unworthy I am to be in His beautiful presence.second) I was not rejoicing with my sisters in Christ for their wonderful expierencethird) I thought that this was all about me. All about Me getitng more.Now, I am not saying it is wrong to desire more of God, but like the scriptures say, what good are the gifts of God if I have no love? So I confess my sin, sometimes I can get a little selfish and I do not relaize how much poeple need Jesus as much as I do. So I had selfishness, and that was contaminating my spiritual life. Like someone new in Christ, I have to remember that I am not worthy; withouth Him I am nothing. I felt God asking me, "You want more? Why?" And I think that is what made me discover my sin. Did I want more of his Gifts for my own glory? Or to truly spread the Word and see others being saved at the cross? Oh...He is truly great. He had shown what was wrong in my heart, and so I repented. So I leave you with the end of the story, and a reminder to change the world for Jesus, and to always humble yourself before the Lord.31" 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "HALLELUJAH, AMEN.

The "Real World'

2007-01-11T08:35:00.000-08:00

Ok so today my english proffesor said, 'This is not like comp 164, in 164 they hold you by the hand, but in this class i will work you hard." I just kept on staring at her...and I was afraid of english for the first time. Well not really the first, but just in the way she portrayed it. I also found out that we were to have one speech in the class...great...but at the same time maybe that will help me practice to speak in public. Still, i dislike. She said, "This is the real World now..." And when she said that, I realized how much of a cliche that is. The Real World. This is the Real World. High school was really so easy, i still cannot comprehend why anybody will make a d or a c...i mean, they practically spoon feed ya...am i right? Well, I made so many bad grades, and i still do not have an excuse. I admit to the fact that I was lazy, and really did not care...i still managed to do well, but that was just because i was thinking of college...now that i am here...it's not if i do care or not, it's the fact that I NEED to pass, i need to make good grades for the sake of my family. At first i did not want to take my english teacher, but when i met her today I realized that i need a wake up calling. So this will probably be one of the many hard english classes I am going to have to go through...But for some odd reason I am motivated; indeed i am.

Today I Cried

2006-12-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

Today I went to watch "Pursuit of Happiness" with some of my friends from church. Well, I have a lot to say. So bear with me...
I must have cried at least three times. Why? Many reasons "why", but not enough words to go into depth with each one of them. First off, the passion of that man for his son. It must have been the most beautiful thing on earth. That did not make me cry, but his intelligence, his passion to keep on going. I could not help but look at him and think, "This right here is a real man." What makes a man? Many things...many things...But to see such a passion, desire, to give everything up, to try their best for the good of another..that is truly what defines a person. I could not help but cry at the fact that this man's intelligence and hard work got him where he wanted to be. I cried because my father never showed that kind of love. He had the character, but his apathy eventually destroyed him. Then I cried over poverty. Wow, many of us have it good. Real good. I remembered the times in which me and my family had no food to eat. Times in which my mother was barely making it on her own, and on top of all that, being deppressed at my dad's departure. Then I cried because of God. There was one scene in which the father is with his son in a shelter church service. I saw them lifitng their arms, calling out to the one true God. Trying to see if He could hear them. How many broken lives where in that place? It's just a movie... I know, but the sad part is that it's real. And it's all over the world. Throughout the whole movie that man did not give up. I think one of the most valuable things I learned in that movie was the importance of meeting and being kind to people. You never know what person can be an open door for the future. When that man did everything he could for his son, risked everything, and shut himself from the world, that is what truly made me cry. And finally, I cried for happiness. When he had his reward, after all he went through, It was worth it. And the happiness that he was feeling, well I believe everyone in that room was feeling it as well.
So I'm watching the news right now, and I think they are going over all news over the last few years...and there was one that got my attention. It was a little boy who was stuck in a hole filled with water. He was telling the camera people, "When i get out of here I want you to film me. I want you to film me getting out. I want you to film me after I get out." He had a smile in his face, he was full of hope. And he died.
"He never lost hope until the end." That's what the news say.
Yea, You guessed it, I cried. But what got my attention was not the fact that he died, but the fact that he was full of hope until the end. If only we can all be like children...right? I want to be innocent of this world, I want to remain with Hope. Jesus Christ, my saviour has been the one who gives me peace instead of tears...So therefore, I am determined to remain with Hope.
Isaiah 40:31
For those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Status: Currently In the Desert

2006-12-03T22:31:00.000-08:00

This was probably one of the most interesting days i haver ever had. But somehow, it was also one of the dullest in every way....At least, that is what it seemed. Church seemed to be going fine today in the morning, until the pastor said he had changed the sermon and was going to preach about healing. Ahhh, yes healing. I knew that God could not possibly be talking to me, I just did not feel the same about that word anymore. I feel, as if I have been healed already. Yet, there were so many other hungry people at church today who needed that Healer. God showed up today. He healed many I believe, but today he was not there to comfort me. This time he left me all by myself. Leaving me with open decisions. I looked to the right and there was Cristina with a new friend. They were about to kneel down and I kneeled with them. To be honest, I did not know what I was doing. I just told Cristina's friend the Truth, and with doubt in my mind I asked, "Do you want to accept him?" She looked confused, the enemy was winning, I told her I was not pushing her to do this, it was her decision...But in the end, she repeated every word that came out of my mouth. I was still doubting; why do I doubt my God? Everytime I doubt I always remember when Moses doubted:

21 But Moses said, "Here I am among six hundred thousand men on foot, and you say, 'I will give them meat to eat for a whole month!' 22 Would they have enough if flocks and herds were slaughtered for them? Would they have enough if all the fish in the sea were caught for them?" 23 The LORD answered Moses, "Is the LORD's arm too short? You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you."-numbers 11

I kept on doing what I needed to do, but kept on feeling empty. I left Cristina and her friend and kept on praying, for my own sake. I have learned that I will not always feel his presence, oh but how I do miss it! And then there was another girl...a twelve year old...crying, but not quite sure what was happening. She thought it was about her friend who had died, but I knew it was not all about that. I knew there was some sort of conviction, but how could I make her understand that? All I could do was to hug and pray for her. I just showed her the way I love, to hug her and tell her I loved her, perhaps she needed to hear that. I don't know why that was with me today. I just wanted to tell them that i loved them. And I did, but somehow I felt like I had failed. "Is my arm too short?" I hear my God asking me. And I bow my head, and do not know what to say. That same day, when I looked over to see Cristina and her friend, her friend was on her knees, her head almost touching the ground, and she was crying. Yea...maybe I did not feel him, oh but they certainly did. I knew God was at church today, I just doubted his presence, just because I did not feel.

14 " Therefore, behold, I will allure her, Will bring her into the wilderness, And speak comfort to her.
-Hosea

I am currently in the desert, my comforter has come, but now it is my time. It is my time to share the good news.

3This is he who was spoken of through the prophet Isaiah: "A voice of one calling in the desert, 'Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.'-Matthew

It's so easy to be the "crowd"

2006-11-30T22:52:00.000-08:00

(Pastor Eli got a crowd together and did the best presentation on what had happened many years ago. He focused on Mark 5:25-34.
He chose a Jesus, some twelve diciples, a crowd, and a humble sweet girl.)

She had been suffering for twelve years. She really was not supposed to be there because she was "unclean" according to society. Her bleeding seperated her from everyone else. Despite her visits to the best doctors, or her attempts to get better, there was no miracle. Until one day, when she had heard enough about this "Jesus". This Jesus of Nazareth who had done so many miracles and healings, she seeked him. She joined that crowd that day, following Him, hoping that she could at least grab a hold of his clothing and she will be healed. So she pushed through the people remaining invisble. She might have even crawled, who knows, but she touched his clothing. And when He realized that power had gone out of him, he asked "Who touched me?"

Ridicoulous, I know. How could he have asked such a question when there was a huge crowd all around Him? Well...She needed to testify.
"17Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ."
-romans 10:17
How can his word be spread? How can people get to know this Jesus? How come miracles seem not to exist anymore? Well, it's all about hearing. "Faith comes from hearing". Hearing what? Our testimonies...

So I ask myself today, when is the last time i got a hold of Jesus? When did I take my time to push through the crowd and not become the crowd?

26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.
Acts 17:26-27

When I realized my sin I could not help but to think of all the times I have prevented the glory of God in my life. It is so easy to become the "crowd", but it seems complicated when we have to push between the crowd in order to receive his miracle. How will my faith be resembled? Will it be like the woman who just wanted a touch of that cloak, or will it be like the crowd's who were just looking around trying to see what he will do next. Seriously, when is the last time we got a hold of Jesus? When was the last time I got to touch him? And so, I was standing and I started to pray. And I asked for forgiveness, for not seeking.

13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13

Somehow I found my back leaning foward, and I felt my knees bending slowly. This happened until I was on my knees, praying for forgiveness. Praying because I have not seeked, because I have not pushed, because I might have prevented many miracles. I stayed there until I could not feel my legs, but it was all worth it. Because in the end, I was able to grab a hold of him, and when I did, I did not let go. And I felt peace. My heart has been satisfied. I sought, and I found him.

cold

2006-11-30T10:19:00.000-08:00

It is very cold today, i love it, but somehow i was not prepared. Yesterday it was around 70-80 degrees, today it's around 50 degrees, tonight it might drop to the twenties. If you have lived in texas almost all your life, this is considered cold. I consider this being cold, but i do not mind it. Other than that, life has been great, no complaints. I think i am going to take a nap...and then i will eat lunch.

Based On a True Story

2006-11-28T14:27:00.000-08:00

God: She says she has forgiven her mother. I believe her. Do you not remember i am the one who knows the heart of men? I created them.
Satan: So she says...What if you were to put her mother in front of her...then would she still feel the same? Just a while ago, she was thinking of what she would do, and then the adrenaline ran through her body; you really think she would be at peace?
God: I am certain, don't you think i know my own children? She has so much to go...I know that for sure, but she will not fail if she were tested.
Satan: So then, you give me permission?
God: Do what you have to do. But don't kill her
Satan: Allright then.

Ester had been feeling queasy all day. What she was about to do was not an easy task but she knew she had to do it. On her way to her cousin Ruth's house she started feeling a sort of uneasiness she couldn't understand. She had been thinking and asking herself, what will i do if my mother were standing in front of me...? She started feeling butterflies in her stomach as if she were to see a loved one but this wasn't a loved one. Her mother had hated her all her life. Why ? Ester had never understood, but she knew that God was helping her heal. She remembered the previous times her mother had confronted her. How the "witch" would insult her, not caring a bit for Ester. It seemed as if Ester had never been her daugther. Why such hatred? Ester asked herself. She shook the toughts of in her head and concentrated on the rode. She was almost at Ruth's house.

Ester took a deep breath before going in. She knew she had insulted Ruth's husband but, nevertheless, she had decided to ask for forgiveness. This was her purpose for the visit. Her unexpected visit.

Ruth was surprised to see her. Her loving face showed Ester that they had already forgiven her. But she procceeded to make the act complete. As soon as everyone sat down on the kitchen table, Ester began to tell her story. She began from the moment she had insulted Ruth's husband and ended with a testimony that God had put on her heart. She described that her mother had always hated her but God had helped her seek emotional healing. She said with a victorious voice that she no longer hated her mother. She had been guilty of hatred, but now she was no longer under its influence. She had been set free.

Meanwhile:
Demon:The lord has told me there is still one more task.
Hatred: What now...who is it?
Demon : It is Ester's mother. Hatred, put in her heart to go to Ruth's house. This is going to get fun.
Hatred: What is the purpose? What do you want me to do to Ester?
Demon: Do whatever you please, our lord has only prevented us to kill.
Hatred: It will be my pleasure.

Angel: Has Ester prayed today?
Angel #2: She has, but she does not know the test ahead of her...how would you expect to pray for something you don't know?
Angel: You're right...Is it only the two of us? You know we will be fighting not only against Hatred but the others within that woman.
Angel #2: I know. That is why we must pray. May the LORD give us strenght.

Ester's mother sat across from her. She had only been there for five minutes and already she was causing trouble. It had been a coincidence. Nobody had told the witch that Ester was there. It was a pure coincidence.

The angels were comforting Ester at this time. She was to need it for the next test. This was not enough yet. Who knew how far Hatred will go to achieve its purpose. Ester's heart was peaceful but she knew she had to leave. She had a feeling that things will not end well. As she was leaving Ester discreetly took out her cell phone and pressed 911, just in case she was to need it. She was walking to her car when she heard the witch's voice behind her. "Hold on, i need to tell you something!" When Ester turned around her mother attacked her. She layed her hands on her face and started scratching her, punching her, leaving her marked and bruised. "leave me alone!" Ester proclaimed, the only thing she could do was to scratch back. Otherwise, the witch would have killed her.

The angels couldn't do anything. This was not a war against flesh and Blood, it was against Demons. Ester needed to say the name of Jesus.

Ester shouted, "I'm going to call the police! Get away from me!" But while she said this, the witch took the phone from her hands and put it in her own pocket. Ester was trapped, the only way out was for someone to call for help. Or at least someone who will borrow their cell phone to her. And so it happened. There was a man at the distance who let Ester call the police, this caused her mother to flee into a neighbor's home.

Hatred: What is wrong with her? How come she did not fight back as always?!! I am furious. I despise her. She will be MINE. Spirit of liars come forth!
Liar: Ahh so you need me once again....what do you want me to do?
Hatred: Think fast. This battle is not over yet...Make up lies so that the police will be confused.
Liar: I have perfect Lies my dear...Don't you worry.

Ester was relieved when she saw the police officer. But as soon as he stepped out the witch ran behind her speaking histerically.
"She attacked me! She attacked me! look at my face! I was just going to ask her something about my grandmother and she turned around and attacked me! I don't know why she hates me so!"

The angels could not help at all...the only thing they did was give Ester the tranquility and wisdom she needed to be able to speak to the policeman.

It was a war between evil and good. It was a test that was sent out to spiritually kill Ester. It was a battle that Ester won. Despite the horrible scratches that the "witch" had, the policeman saw something different in Ester. God gave him the spirit of discernment and gave him the ability to understand who was speaking the truth. Altough in the end it was obvious...Ester dialed her own cell phone number that her mother had taken away, and as it turned out, it was hidden in that neighbor's house were the witch had been moments earlier.

It was around eleven a'clock when Ester arrived at her friend's house. She had been beaten, mistreated, she could not understand why her mother had so much hatred towards her. She began crying, not because she was sad, but because she felt sorry for her own mother. She felt sorry for that witch that has always wanted to see her suffer. She told her friend, "When i think about all that happened, i am amazed at how God gave me patience. You know i easily get mad. Yet, this time, i felt such peace. I kept on remembering when Jesus was being tortured. And i realized that he went through so much worse things than i have been. So i stayed silent...Silent as a lamb."

Demon: What have you done!? What happened?
Hatred: It was the angels. They were with her all the time. I don't understand, they couldn't do anything. Tell the lord that he has lost this one. She is not the same anymore. She will regret! I will hunt her down!
Demon: Shutup idiot. I don't want to think what the lord has to say about this. I will blame you!
Hatred: Next time i will get her...Next time.
Demon: hahahha, will there be a next time? Now that the other god has seen that she truly has changed, would he let us mess with her? You have LOST hatred...you have LOST.

12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Ephesians 6:12